Life.

My 500th Post: The Life of a Female Minister Part I...

2012-01-28T01:14:00.000-06:00

This is my 500th post! It's been quite the journey thus far. I also thought you probably deserved something a little more personal in celebration.

That's me in the background officiating a wedding in CA.

As many of you know, I'm a credentialed minister (yep, I can actually marry and bury). I'm not your typical minister by any stretch of the imagination and, in some instances, don't even like to tell people that I am as it immediately casts this bias on me that really doesn't fit my "mold." Being a female minister is certainly not for the faint of heart. There are a few reasons and experiences that lead me to saying this. I'll explain the first one tonight.

I am not married. This immediately put a damper on my dating life for a few reasons. First of all, I have standards to be met. Second of all, so do men. Most men do not put "would like to marry a chick preacher" on their list of wants when looking for a mate. So, that was an immediate deal breaker most of the time. However, there were two main issues present when it came to dating.

A.) I wanted him to be the priest of the home. Since I'm already a minister, that meant that I wanted him to know more than me...to challenge me...to not be too afraid or intimidated to correct me. In other words...I wanted someone who was man enough to handle my position in ministry, yet still also love me despite my many shortcomings. Most of the men I found that fit this I felt were really too good for me. They knew a lot (which I loved), yet also saw my flaws and suddenly I didn't look so good anymore. I'm a minister...that doesn't mean I'm perfect.

B.) Most men didn't want a chick preacher. Even if they were strong in their faith, the position held so much intimidation that most weren't up for the challenge. Some tried out of simply being fascinated by my position, but many couldn't hang.

These two things made it almost impossible to date and, in addition, made my view of marriage something I feared more than something I appreciated the possibility of. There has only been one instance in my entire history of life where I said, "I'm sure I'll marry him some day." That obviously didn't happen...and then I never said it to myself (or anyone else) again.

Out of sheer determination, I didn't quit trying. In fact, I just tried to date other ministers after that point. When I did, I came out even more messed up then when I began. Why? Well, out of respect for him, I do not say this with any bitterness or spite, but I dated a minister that later shared with me that he was homosexual. I was with him because I thought dating another minister would work...we both knew the life. When it didn't work, I began to wonder if it ever would.

Where am I today? I don't really know. I'm hopeful, but I'm hesitant. I don't think people understand this as much as I'd like them to. Some days, I don't even think I understand it. One thing is true, the life of a female minister...it's definitely about devoting your life to God...even your social life.

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are....

2012-01-22T16:53:00.000-06:00

So I'm going through a little medical issue (don't worry...I'm not dying...at least I don't think I am). I've discovered that for the last few days I've felt very heavy emotionally. Obviously I'm not myself. My apartment is a disaster and completely not up to my standards. My school work seems to be in a mound that I will never accomplish because I've spent the last several days of my life sleeping. What's more concerning to me, however, is that I've felt completely alone. I've had to depend on other people's help from time to time. However, there are times at which I feel I could drop dead and no one would take notice. I reach out to get mediocre responses and sometimes feel I'm a nuisance to people who I would call my good friends. I'm sure this state of mind has something to do with being sick, but it's not fun. In some cases, the emotional struggle is more concerning than the physical one.

A few weeks ago, I had a friend who was going through something similar. I got frequent texts which was out of the ordinary and tried my best to reply in an upbeat tone. It was obvious to me that he was lonely and even more obvious that I didn't understand what he was going through. I tried hard to be an encouragement, but I often felt that my attempts fell flat because he never seemed to improve in his demeanor or messages. In certain points in time, I became exhausted in hearing about his pain and yet not being able to offer anything to console him. I might've dwindled in my responses after awhile unable to offer anything different from what I did the last time we'd spoke.

I can now say I can see his situation in a different light now that I've had to struggle with something similar. While I try hard not to complain about my situation, I'm sure that my misery comes across quite clear. People may currently be finding my communication exhausting since they can't offer any kind of consolation for my struggle. They might also be so far removed from my suffering that my communication is nothing more than an interruption to their otherwise productive day. It's true, sometimes we really don't know what people are going through unless we walk around awhile in their shoes. My resolve now is to be more diligent in my attempts to be an encouragement to my friends who are suffering even when I feel I'm unsuccessful. I would challenge you to do the same because someday in the future you might have to endure the same battle and wish your friends were there to fight the battle with you. And a word of wisdom when the time comes...sometimes your friend doesn't need you to say anything to fix the problem...sometimes your friend just needs someone to listen and cry with them. The point isn't to try and understand how they feel or how to fix it, the point is to understand that they are hurting and hurt with them.

God in the NFL: Tim Tebow...

2012-01-08T20:35:00.000-06:00

Yep...that's right. I've decided to talk about a hot topic. I just watched Tim Tebow make a winning pass to win the game tonight for the Broncos. I saw him take a knee and thank God.

There are two things I've witnessed when it comes to Tebow and people's reactions to him. First, there are some that applaud him and his faith. He is unashamed of his deep rooted faith in a God he knows has brought him so much opportunity and favor. Then, there are those that are disgusted with his displays of Christianity. They wish him ill and sometimes sound a bit violent at their distaste for him. I witnessed both tonight.

Does God care about the NFL? Don't think so. He really has bigger fish to fry.

Does God care about Tim Tebow? Absolutely. Just like He cares about each of us.

Is God helping Tim Tebow win? I think so. I honestly believe that God is showing Tebow favor because of His faith. In turn, Tebow makes sure he points to where the glory should go. When we have faith in God, we know that nothing we do is on our own...but that God gifts us with talents and abilities to bring Him glory. In this instance, it doesn't mean God loves the Broncos more than any other team. It means that God is using a young man's faith in Him to bring Him glory. I don't care about the Broncos. However, I'm rejoicing for Tebow as he goes through this season of divine favor.

Not only do I believe God is using Tebow to be a witness, but I also believe Tebow's positivity is making an impact on those around him. His positive outlook is certain to boost the morale of his team and the fans that cheer for them. This attitude should speak volumes to Christians everywhere. Our faith brings an air of positivity to those around us. In many ways, I believe this also makes the team better players. Are they perfect? No. Will they lose? Eventually.

Instead of being disgusted with a young man's display of faith, we should applaud his positivity and upbeat nature. We watch players display arrogance and violence all the time. We sit back and don't really say much. Then we see a young kid take a knee to thank his Creator and we get all up in arms. What a double standard.

Good for you, Tebow. Just remember to still give God glory when you lose. The Lord giveth...and the Lord taketh away...blessed be the name of Lord...anyway (yeah...I added that last word).

Practical Tips for Peace of Mind #2: Accept Satisfaction Isn't Probable...

2012-01-07T23:12:00.000-06:00

Peace has been the subject of importance to me these days. Why? Because I'm not satisfied.

"Typical woman," you may say. However, in this life, complete satisfaction isn't possible. I'm not being negative here...it's just a fact. Let me explain...

Satisfaction is a level at which you are fulfilled. You can certainly have temporary satisfaction. When you're hungry and you eat, you are temporarily satisfied. That is until the next meal time when you will inevitably and naturally be hungry again. It is safe to say that no one in this life will ever be 100% satisfied with their life and everything in it. I'll explain why in a second.

Contentment, on the other hand, is an ease of mind. It's peace in a time of chaos. Contentment is possible even when your needs aren't being met. Using the same hunger scenario, if you stop eating, those hunger pains will continue for about three days. However, after about the third day, you will no longer receive those signals telling you that you are hungry because your body starts feeding on your fat reserves. Your body temporarily conditions itself to be content after not being satisfied. It doesn't make not eating any better (and is certainly not good for your health, realistically speaking).

Now, lets leave the food scenario alone and talk about real life. There are certain things I'm going through currently that have been teaching me about how to have peace. Sure, I'm not satisfied. I was in a state of want. I also realized my need for peace to continue the journey to hopefully obtain that which I most desire. Why? Because sitting around wishing I had something and not is miserable. However, wishing I had something and using hope as my floatation device, will actually help make the process and journey a little more enjoyable. I also needed to realize that obtaining this desire wouldn't leave me completely satisfied because, ultimately, we are in a constant state of desire. One desire is fulfilled and then we realize our desire for something else.

This is why I believe the divorce rate is so high these days! We desire companionship. We seek to fulfill that desire by means of a certain feeling. When people realize after a time of marital bliss that feeling has left, they become dissatisfied again and in a pattern of desire for something better. It is my goal and aim never to marry because of a feeling. It is my goal to marry someone that I myself have a deep desire to make happy. I'm not seeking to fill a void in myself, I'm seeking to find an initial connection and try everyday to fill their void (understanding I never really will be able to). Sure, there are people that have made me feel giddy. When I meet someone that I would die for, however...well, then I'm done searching. I'm not looking to satisfy myself, I'm looking to try and satisfy someone else.

We need to learn that satisfaction will only be lasting when we make it to heaven. Until then, we have to accept that satisfaction isn't probable and, when you obtain it, it is fleeting. Contentment, on the other hand, is something you have to choose. Contentment says, "I will wait." Contentment says, "I've done all that I can do, now I just have faith." Contentment says, "Keep working until it's time." Contentment...I am determined to find peace so that my journey on the road to obtain my desires is less agonizing and more enjoyable. I'm sticking an open hand out in the darkness...waiting for God to fill it with the thing I want the most. Because I know God, I will have peace...He'll give me the desires of my heart.

Practical Tips for Peace of Mind #1: Did You Turn the Curling Iron Off?

2012-01-04T22:44:00.000-06:00

I have a little bit of mild OCD. I believe certain things need to be kept in certain places and everything has a place. My OCD is so right on, I can actually tell if someone so much as sat at my desk if I was away. My chair is not is how I usually position it...which is typically what tips me off first.

Another tick that comes along with this is my fear that I've left the curling iron on when I leave the house. I have literally had to leave a church service to drive home to make sure I've unplugged it. I've driven a few blocks from the house in the morning only to drive back to make sure I've unplugged it. In all my years of dealing with this issue, I don't ever remember one time in which I didn't remember to unplug it. Yet, the thought bothers me so badly, I have to go back to check. My dad, who is a behavioral health counselor, says this is a typical OCD trait. Albeit, I never count toilet paper squares or have to habitually touch a door knob a certain number of times.

My grandfather taught me a little trick a couple of years back that has helped me have peace of mind in remembering if I've turned the curling iron off. He told me that when he wants to remember where something is, to "explode it." I didn't get it. So, he had to show me (this is typical for a Missourian). Once you place an item where you want to remember it, you explode it. In other words, you picture it exploding where it's sitting (and in most instances, I even make the sound too).

I thought it was goofy...but it really works. Why? Because you are taking an extra few seconds to focus on that item and remember it. So, in the morning, I explode my curling iron. Voila...no more having to turn around. Peace of mind is all in the explosion!

I found a nice little article in Psychology Today about memory and they also use this suggestion to remember where you put things. You can check out their official article: How to Remember Things

What are your OCD tendencies?

Cyber Death & Out of the Silence (Days 27, 28, 29, 30)

2012-01-01T02:01:00.000-06:00

Today was the 30th day (December 2, 2011). I put out my first Facebook post today. I got two hits on it. In the whole 30 days, 5 people have questioned my absence. I have 1,002 friends on Facebook. That's right...five of them noticed my cyber death. So basically, less than .5% of my friends on Facebook noticed my absence. Oh boy.

I haven't tweeted yet. My first blog post will happen in just a few hours. In a lot of ways, I haven't felt the need to tweet. I have caught up with a few friends, been so much more productive, and been a lot more in touch with my feelings (this is a rarity).

On the downside, I've felt very much alone in the things I felt day to day. There were times I ached to put something out into the universe just to make myself feel better for that brief moment. Now realizing that very few people even notice these attempts, it almost seems like it's less worth it in the end. There were also moments where friends weren't available...when I wanted to get something off my chest...so I texted a friend and got no reply. Those moments are lonely. So then I jumped on here and blogged my way thought it...though you will only read it a month after it's all said and done.

This is also quite appropriate. This blog entry (the 30th day of this little experiment) will drop at 12:01 central time on New Years Day. I have no idea what I'll be doing that day....or the night before that day. I sure hope, though, it brings about something wonderful in my life. I also hope that this experiment will help me realize who the important people are in my life...the ones that take the time to notice my existence and have genuine concern when I have been MIA. I hope just reading this opens your eyes to something new. Social media sometimes isn't as social as we think it is. Sometimes, like in my case, it really is only one-sided.

This is the Root of Your Life...

2011-12-31T09:23:00.000-06:00

I woke up today and decided to watch one of my favorite movies, "A Walk in the Clouds." It made me reflect on the things I want and specifically the things I want in 2012. There are a couple of parts of the movie that stick out to me the most. A line in the movie is, "The heart wants what the heart wants." In the past, it's been a great burden on me to act in the expected; to do what people want me to, but not necessarily what I want to. I can't operate all the time to fulfill others' expectations...but sometimes I think I probably have to follow my heart. It wants what it wants.

So, my first promise of the new year is to follow my heart. People can disagree, but I feel that God gives us desires for a reason. If those desires stick with us long enough, there is a reason for it. I've let fear hold me back from having the things I desire most for so many reasons. I become afraid that I'll make the wrong choice. I become afraid that I can't actually have what I desire; that it's not obtainable. I've also learned that the opposite of fear is faith. So, I'll need to move forward in faith. Faith that the choices I make, God will bless. Faith that I can have what I want most. Faith that I can obtain it.

During the end of the movie, another line stuck out to me, "This is the root of your life." This was said when the vine of the vineyard in the movie seemed to be burned. However, upon a closer look, it was discovered the root was not dead...the fire didn't destroy the inside. Some of our greatest dreams that have looked dead from the outside, still hold life. The things we feel have been tainted, never made it to the core of the root of our destiny. So, my second promise of the new year is to never give up hope. When the root looks dead, there could still be life inside.

Maybe those two things will change my course this year. I'll use faith to motivate myself in obtaining the desires of my heart and, when it looks like I've come to the end, I'll still never give up hope.

Cyber Death & Losing my Mind (Day 26)

2011-12-28T02:01:00.000-06:00

It's November 29th and this entry will not be posted for 30 days.

Can I just say that I'm completely and totally annoyed today! So much so that if it were optional and acceptable for me to scream at the top of my lungs about how annoyed I was, I would do it. Instead, I came to the only outlet I have (since we're still 4 days away from me being able to tweet about how annoyed I am again) and that's this blog entry that will be posted 30 days from today in which I will be over this annoyance (hopefully).

A lot of it has to do with being CONSTANTLY questioned about my motives or decisions. At one point does "because I said so" become acceptable to any one?! In most cases, it's just some outrageous ego trip. It's not constructive. It's not productive. In fact, it hampers my ability to get stuff done...to get life done. Yet in every facet of my life I still have these people who feel it necessary to pick me apart day after day after day. I usually deal with it. I usually tweet something witty to make me feel better about it. For the last 30 days? No. I've reached my wits end. I'm at my brink. I feel like getting violent.

Yet, now it's all typed out. Wildly and madly pecked into my keyboard with my eyes so red hot they are burning like fire in my skull. I feel better now...take a deep breath and lets move on. Ahhhh.

Please God make these next 4 days go quickly. I need my outlet back desperately before I go completely postal.

Cyber Death & Early Nights (Day 25)

2011-12-27T02:01:00.000-06:00

Today is November 28th. This entry will not be posted for 30 days.

It is now 7:51 p.m. and I feel like it's midnight. After going back to work and school after a four day weekend, I'm exhausted. The good thing is, I wanted to keep my brain occupied. The bad thing is, I think it's wrong if I go to bed this early. However, I'm seriously contemplating it. If I'm sleeping, I'm not technically thinking. I like that idea.

5 days left till the end of Cyber Death and I will come back to Cyber Life! So excited!

Cyber Death & Serendipity (Day 23 & 24)

2011-12-26T02:01:00.000-06:00

This post was written on November 27th and will not be posted for 30 days.

Today I decked the halls...with two Christmas trees. I have an 8-ft tree that I set up downstairs for the house church and then a 6-ft tree that I've set up in the living room. That pretty much sucked up the afternoon. Which, was a good thing. I'm needing to keep my mind busy. Too many days of vacation from work and school has caused my mind to be preoccupied with stuff that just causes me to worry. So...my zen moments usually involve keeping busy or sleeping. So, the sleeping I'll be doing directly after this. The sad part is, I realized that by the time this blog entry is posted, Christmas will be over and it will be time to take both trees right back down again.

During my tree trimming, it is tradition for me to watch a movie I associate with Christmas. Typically, I watch "The Holiday", but I decided I wasn't feeling that and watched "Serendipity" instead. One part particularly pricked my interest despite the fact I've watched the movie a million times. Jonathan (the main character) was talking to his friend on a flight to go be reunited with a woman he had shared just a few hours with several years ago, but kept a connection with for years. The friend had experienced issues in his own marriage and was inspired by Jonathan's passion. He quoted Epictetus, "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."

In a lot of ways, that quote is so profoundly wise. If you're passionate, you don't care what people think. Passion is something that drives us. People don't often understand our passions or what we do to pursue them. We have to be content with that misunderstanding. We also have to embrace our passions and pursuit of them and be content with that no matter what other people think about our motivations.

Now that I've gone all Socrates, I should probably just go to bed so I can stop thinking. Ugh! 6 days until I can tweet again...maybe then I can get some of this stuff out of my brain.

Cyber Death & The Future (Day 21 & 22)

2011-12-24T02:01:00.000-06:00

Today is November 25th. This entry will not be posted for 30 days.

I realized by the time this is posted, it will be Christmas Eve. That day, I should be busy preparing dinner for my family and opening my home to all 20-something of them (it's different every year).

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for. We all do. Yesterday I prepared dinner, shared it with people I love, and then spent the rest of the night finishing out certain traditions. One of them included waiting in an abnormally long line at Starbucks on the plaza in Kansas City and then watching the Plaza Lighting Ceremony. It really gets me in the holiday spirit. Then, I made my way over to Target for some Black Friday Shopping. Santa came early this year as I got myself a 40" LCD flat screen television. I've never been one to be interested in big tv's. However, after living with a 9"...then a 20"...and most recently a 32" that was given to me, I figured a very inexpensive 40" was the way to go. I also picked up a few other things for other people...but I'm excited to hook this puppy up!

The last 48 hours I've had a lot weighing on my mind. The future has been brought to the forefront of my thoughts and I can't think of anything else. Which, the fact is...it's devastating. Not the future, but thinking of having to wait for the future when I'm thinking of it in the present. If that makes any sense... I hate to be so excited about something and then know I have to wait for it. I need to try to steer my mind to thinking about something else, but nothing else seems as important. Maybe the feeling will taper off and give my mind a rest leaving only fleeting thoughts of the sort so I can get some things accomplished. The thing is, I'm a planner. A big one, actually. So my thoughts usually include trying to plan my "next step" which is impossible considering my steps are already ordered by a God that knows how to get me to where I'm going better than I do. So, while I plan, He has better ones. So I need to stop thinking about it. I need to just let God do what God does best and trust that every step to getting me to the place I see will be perfect and timely. Oh my mind...such a torturous thing sometimes...

8 days left...and the world will know what I've been up to the last 30 days (as if they really care).

Cyber Death & Losing My Direction (Day 18, 19 & 20)

2011-12-22T02:01:00.000-06:00

This blog was written on November 23rd, but will not be posted for 30 days.

I had a different entry set for this day...but today has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride that I really could've blogged/tweeted/Facebooked about. Quite frankly, I can leave this entry at that. At the end of the day, I feel better than I did and I'm still alive. Not too shabby.

Cyber Death & Some Relaxation (Day 16 & 17)

2011-12-19T02:01:00.000-06:00

It's November 20th today and this post will not be made for 30 days...

Two days have gone by. There have been a few things I was desiring to tweet about, but not nearly anything that I struggled with too awful badly.

First of all, Friday was the last day of school until after Thanksgiving. I was thankful for this. This week will mean ultra productivity. I'll get to catch up on homework and cleaning. Not to mention this weekend, I've caught up on all my laundry! I was pretty excited about that. I've realized I've been way more productive since I've stopped updating my social media so much. I've finished reading a book (yeah, I know...it's a miracle) and I'm thinking about starting another one to read during fall break! My house has stayed kept up fairly well which is difficult to do sometimes during the week.

Yesterday I also wanted to tweet about the massive migraine I had! I went to my Dad's house and in route, I suddenly had the worst headache! I honestly don't believe I ever had that bad of a headache before in my life. Once I got to Dad's, I was useless. I sat there in pure agony. I did feel good about how my family readily came to my aid, though. They understood and didn't think I was being whiney for nothing. By the time I was ready to go home and after some good meds from my stepmother, I was feeling a little more like myself. Which, believe me, had it gone on any longer, I might've had someone drive me to the ER (and that's saying a lot). I've passed out and knocked my head on the tile floor in the middle of the night and refused to be taken to the ER. I was scared, but I knew going to the ER meant I'd need an IV and I'm just terrified of needles. So, if I'm in pain enough to go to the ER, that's serious.

Anyhow...my plan this week is to get prepped for Christmas decorating. Now, I'm not like these crazy women who have decorated weeks before Thanksgiving. I wait until after Thanksgiving before I Christmas shop or decorate...or listen to Christmas music or watch Christmas movies. One holiday at a time, please. I have to have the house completely clean before I put up the tree. I'm very OCD about that so I can sit back, relax, and enjoy it when I'm through. I'll be preparing yet another Thanksgiving feast. I love cooking! I get to do it twice a year for family and friends...once for Thanksgiving and once for Christmas Eve. While it's a lot of work, I have so much fun being all domestic and creating a nice meal for the people I love.

So that's what I'll be up to this week. Though, by the time you read this...the halls will be decked and Thanksgiving dinner will be consumed. Weird how this thing works. I'm just so ready to kick my feet up this week!

Say the Word...

2011-12-17T17:36:00.000-06:00

When the darkness overcomes you and you need a hand to hold,
Say the word and I'll walk with you without a question or answer told.
With happiness overflowing or in the days of rain or shine,
Say the word and I will follow, no matter what, I've made you mine.

When you need to sit in silence and think on things so deep,
Say the word and I'll wait patiently and strive for peace to keep.
When you need to share your secrets and get things off your chest,
Say the word and I will listen and cradle them the best.

When you're aching for more of life or truth to come of dreams,
When you've been betrayed by those you trusted and nothing is what it seems,
When you've fought to protect others and are wounded in the fight,
When trouble is all around you and forever seems the night.

No matter what the circumstance; whether happy things or sad,
I'll seek to be the steady presence or fill the voids you've had.
I'll stand next to you in the battle and give my all in plights of care,
Say the word and I won't hesitate...never leaving, I'll be there.

Cyber Death & We're Halfway There, Baby! (Day 13, 14, & 15)

2011-12-17T02:01:00.000-06:00

Today is November 18th and this entry will not be posted for 30 days.

The last few days have been pretty quiet and uneventful. Obviously, I haven't had to vent as much because it's been a few days since I blogged about the project. I was thinking this morning about how journaling might've helped me in the formative years of my life; before blogging. Despite the Cyber Death Project, writing about my days has been pretty theraputic even if no one can read it or respond immediately to my issues. The thing about social media is, it's two-way communication. So, if you put something out there, you have a high chance of getting it back. My time on Facebook has been pretty limited, even though I've allowed myself to reply to other people's status updates. I think this has made me a bit more productive. There are just 15 more days to go in this project. I'm not sure how I'll be once I'm finally able to tweet again. Maybe it won't be as important anymore?

By the way, I had my first twitter follower recognize my absence yesterday. While I haven't responded, a shout out to @dasjr! Thanks for recognizing my lovely thoughts and tweets weren't around anymore.

I'm currently in the computer lab at the University waiting for my journalism class to begin. We're doing a simulation on going out for a case based on a shooting that happened locally several years ago. We get to listen to the audio of interviews and see video of the crime scene. I'm not so sure I'm going to like this. My professor just walked behind me and saw me blogging. I'm just honing my writing abilities...though class doesn't start for another 20 minutes.

Speaking of classes, in my PR Campaigns class yesterday, Dr. Bond showed us video clips of cases in our book about previous PR Campaigns. One of them was a "Save the Sharks" campaign. I'm not an animal rights activist, though I understand their passion. However, when he was about to show the video on the case, I really wasn't that interested...until the second video. It was showing these shark fishermen catching sharks, de-finning them while they are still alive, and throwing their bodies back into the ocean to die...no fins left on them to survive. I winced. It actually made me a little sad, too. I mean, I know we kill animals for food, but I always just had this grand idea that everything was humane and everything was used. I don't like seafood, so I'm sure I never would've been willing to try Shark Fin Soup. Part of me became really disappointed, though. I could just imagine God looking down at the way we treat things He lovingly created and how disappointed He must be in it all. From maming sharks to killing each other...I don't think this is quite how He meant for His creation to end up. Sad.

Cyber Death, Technology Deaths, & Trashy Neighbors (Day 12)

2011-12-14T02:01:00.000-06:00

Today is November 15th. This entry will not be posted for 30 days.

There has been so much to blog/tweet/facebook update about in the last 24 hours. It's been an agonizing process trying to filter all my thoughts or stresses in a different way and today is no exception. I thought a few days ago I was over this stress. It is true...I am not. I have another 18 days left in this little experiment and it's agonizing.

Last night, I came home to a yard full of trash. My kind "white trash" neighbors from a previous post, decided my yard needed decorating with my own trash. So, I put out a video camera to catch them red-handed. Nothing. They're mad because I didn't let them mooch of my trash service (or make me pay extra for their trash because they were too cheap to get their own or too immature to not come talk to me about possibly using mine). People never cease to amaze me.

I waited in line 20 minutes for my Starbucks today. This was a painful thing not to tweet about.

I also gave a class presentation in COM 415 on a case about the Medicare Cuts that were being faced back in 2007. I'm pretty sure I nailed it. Mostly because my previous experience with the subject gave me a wealth of knowledge that wasn't in the case itself. My professor and advisor, Dr. Bond, complimented me on it. That made me feel pretty good.

I also mentioned this "Cyber Death" experiment to Dr. Bond today for a few reasons. First of all, I tweeted all the time and he read most along with my blog. He has been teaching on the importance of social media in this class and I didn't want him to think I wasn't taking his lectures to heart. I was. In fact, became what has lovingly been called a "Twitter Bender" by another PR student in the program. Dr. Bond asked me how the experiment was going and I confessed it was difficult.

One thing I am so thankful for in this school and in this program is my advisor. He knows me by name. I can get in touch with him at any time (twitter, facebook, email, text message). Not to mention, he personally invests in getting to know the students. Before being a PR major (I was an education major, journalism major, and business major at one time or another), I always got lost in the shuffle. Which, consequently, may have been what led to my doubt about the other majors. I've never felt like a career was this much of a good fit for me. But it is. I so enjoy every facet of this program. I think it would be wonderful to teach communication theory one day. I love communication theory. I never would've known how much I loved it if it weren't for this major. Okay...enough of that. This will be posted during finals week, so I've done enough sucking up to Dr. Bond to hopefully get a passing grade.

I've also had a hard time getting enrolled for next semester's classes. I have 4 semesters left in my college career and the PR department is growing making it harder to get into a class that's only given in the spring each year before it's completely full. I'm hoping Dr. Bond can work his magic. I guess by the time this is posted, he'll probably have already done it.

I've also had a few technology deaths in the last week. My work computer (which I loved) crashed. So, I was given a dinosaur in it's place. I mourned that loss. Then, my charging cord for my little laptop stopped working. I have an eeepc and you can't just get a new cord at Best Buy...you have to get it from the company who makes the laptop. So, I'm now using my old Dell dinosaur laptop that was crawling slow until I deleted almost everything off of it. Me and computers this week...not so much.

For now, that's about it. I've written a book. But you know what? I feel so much better!

Cyber Death & Celebrity Status (Day 11)

2011-12-13T02:01:00.000-06:00

Today is November 14, 2011. This entry will not be posted for 30 days because of my "Cyber Death" challenge...I can't tweet...post a blog entry...or update my Facebook statuses/pictures.

I take back what I said yesterday about getting used to not tweeting. Especially today. So much happened even before noon that left me aching to tweet.

First of all, my journalism class was cancelled due to the professor having the flu. Which, typically wouldn't make me happy, but I would've been late for the class, anyway. So that was actually good news for me, not so good news for him.

Then, I had to shoot a commercial today for work in which I had to talk. I messed up twice. Had to say it what seemed like a million times. I was nervous...which is not like me. I guess I could be a local celebrity. Okay...maybe not. Even if I was...it's Saint Joe. Who cares about Saint Joe?

Then, after all of that emotion...from being overjoyed to nervous, I was then faced with a very awkward situation. I was a serial drug rep dater at one time. Today, I met an old flame's ex-wife who also is a drug rep that recently started calling on our office. I did not mention I had dated her ex-husband (who was also her ex-husband the time I saw him). It was one of those bad dating situations in which I ended up asking him never to return to our office. Mostly because he was seeing another young receptionist at another office that I found out about. He honored my request. That was several years ago. Either way, the experience was weird. I was a bit intimidated and I don't easily get intimidated. For a few moments, I was nervous wondering if she knew about me. If she did know about me, I felt a little invasion of privacy, though that's not at all her fault. Needless to say, sometimes bad dating experiences can come back and haunt you several years later. I wish I could've tweeted about all this.

Cyber Death & Fatty McFatterson (Days 7, 8, 9, &10)...

2011-12-12T02:01:00.000-06:00

This blog entry was written on November 13, 2011. It won't be posted for 30 days...

I'm pretty sure I'm breaking my Twitter addiction. For the last 4 days, while I did have things I periodically wanted to tweet about, none were pressing enough to have to write a blog about to get them out of my system. This must mean progress is being made. Periodically over the last few days, I would text friends to vent about certain things I would normally tweet about. For instance:

*I had a family game night at my house last night. Typically, I would tweet about that. Instead, I just invited people individually and bragged about the fun we had to people who didn't show up.

*Texted someone about a car blocking me in my parking place at Target while he finished his cigarette after he watched me get into my car, start it, and sit there braked on reverse until he moved. I was livid. I almost just backed into him, but I love my car too much.

*Texted someone else about Black Friday ads in which I saw a few items I will need to purchase for Christmas because they are on sale for an outlandishly awesome price.

That's about it, though. Nothing too crazy. My dad did preach a pretty good message at The Refuge this morning...I wanted to tweet about that too. He talked about how our decisions should be made carefully and not just based on what we can see using the story of how Lot chose to go to Sodom. I could relate to this quite a bit as I relate on reasoning and what I know on the surface to make my decisions. I probably should dig a little deeper and operate in more faith than logic sometimes.

Lastly, I feel like I'm fat. I'm taking a vacation in January in which I will need to wear a bathing suit. This is an issue I will need to remedy in the next two months. This is not the best time to do that...holidays and dieting don't mix. Oh well.

No one has mentioned my tweeting absence yet. Only 20 more days to go...and I doubt anyone will by then either.

Cyber Death & Natasha Bedingfield-Snuffleupagus (Day 6)

2011-12-08T02:01:00.000-06:00

Today is November 9th. Once again, it will be 30 days until this blog entry is officially posted.

Today might've been the hardest day not to tweet about. Why? It was the first snow of the season. I woke up to a little dusting of snow in my yard and my first desire was to pick up my phone and tweet, "First snow of the year! Winter is here!" I probably would've posted a picture, too. I mean, I almost made an exception for the day simply because it's such a milestone! I didn't. I obeyed my social experimentation rules.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. I'm feeling better, so I went to work and was pretty productive there. Still have the sniffles...and sneeze constantly and every now and again look like I'm crying when my tear ducts decide it's time to leak and burn for no good reason. Speaking of crying...I almost laughed myself to tear watching the CMA's tonight and Natasha Bedingfield got on stage with Rascal Flatts. I love Natasha Bedingfield...but her dress made her look like Snuffleupagus and I so could've tweeted that. Seriously...you'll have to look up a picture of her outfit at the CMA's. I'd post one, but they don't even have the picture on the net yet. In 30 days, though, that should be a different story.

That's all for now, I'm crying again and can barely see the screen...

Cyber Death & White Trash (Day 5)

2011-12-07T02:01:00.000-06:00

It is November 8th today. This blog will not post for 30 days...

I'm getting used to not tweeting everything, I think. It's not nearly as often that I think, "I really want to tweet about this." Though, there were two instances I normally would've tweeted about today.

First of all, on my way out of my driveway today, I realized that I put my trash out a day early. Then I realized there were 3 unfamiliar, white trash bags in my pile of trash. My new neighbors seemingly decided to mooch off my trash service. Knowing the trash wouldn't be picked up until tomorrow and that I didn't have time to deal with it before work, I made my way into the office. This is the third day in a row I've been sick and I began going through the chills and then sweats on the way into the office. By the time I got there, I was afraid I was going to pass out. So I decided to pack up some work and go back home to the safety and comfort of home. The same bug seems to be making it's way through the office staff as many were out today for the same thing.

So, on my way back home I decided to gift my neighbors back their three bags of trash. I moved them right in front of their walk...in broad daylight...while their door was open. Guess what? Those bags aren't there anymore. Normally, the whole instance wouldn't have been a big deal. However, I have to pay extra for each additional bag of trash. Plus, I didn't want the neighbors to think that was okay. I mean, had they come to me to ask about using my trash service a few weeks until they got their own, I would've been more than willing to hear them out and make arrangements. For them to sneak their bags by mine in the middle of the night, however, was uncalled for.

Long story short, there was less to tweet about, but that may have something to do with spending most of my time in an at-home quarantine. Tomorrow may be different. We shall see...

Cyber Death & Erring on the Side of Caution (Day 4)

2011-12-06T02:01:00.001-06:00

It's November 7th today...a Monday. Everything I'm about to write at one point or another I wanted to tweet about today. Since the beginning of my "Cyber Death" social experiment, no one has realized my absence.

I'm sick and miserable after a weekend with no furnace and two nights of sleeping in my living room floor to keep warm. Luckily, when I returned home this evening, it was all fixed and my place is nice and cozy now. However, I'm still sick.

On the way home tonight, it was quite rainy and very dark. My drive home includes a couple miles on the highway which is home to nearly every semi in the United States. I pull onto the highway behind a minivan that decided the rain was really three feet of snow and proceeded to drive 50 in a 70 mph zone. Normally, I would just pull around the bonehead. However, there were a line of cars to my left who caught on to the slow moving vehicle in front of me and refused to let me in. So there I was going 50 on the highway when I noticed a huge semi barreling full speed at me. Since I couldn't speed up and couldn't pass the doofus on the road, I just prayed. For a split moment, I thought I was probably going to lose my life. However, at the very last second, the semi found a space in the left lane behind me and switched lanes in time to buzz past me.

Little did the guy in front of me know, but he could've easily created a terrible situation because he was being too cautious for the road conditions. If you want to drive 50, take the roads in town and not the highway. Unfortunately, I had to follow him on my exit as well and he continued to drive slow and overly cautious. I then pulled off that road and behind yet another cautious driver going 20 in a 40. I'm sure these individuals have not lived here long. Rain is nothing. Wait until they are having to push their own vehicle through 5 foot snow banks this winter just to get to work in the morning. Been there, done that.

I feel better to have gotten all that off my chest. However, no one will read this until December. Totally delayed gratification here. I miss tweeting about my life every few seconds.

Cyber Death & The Earth Shook (Day 3)

2011-12-05T02:01:00.000-06:00

In the wee hours of the morning of November 6th...

This last 24 hours has been the absolute worst for not tweeting! We just had an earthquake. We never get earthquakes...and I can't tweet about it. I didn't feel a thing! Everyone else did. Me? Nope...I was just sitting here on the couch watching television. Nada! I feel really incredibly left out of everything! No tweets...no shaking. Ugh!

Not to mention, I saw we now have an "Occupy Saint Joe" in town while driving down one of our main roads. Of course, there were only like 10 people in attendance, but I thought it was pretty hilarious. Couldn't tweet about that either. This is madness! What did I do before Twitter?

Then, I slept on the floor in the living room last night next to a space heater since my furnace won't be fixed till tomorrow. Luckily, I didn't have to use it. However, I did wake up very sore with a bit of a cold, it seems. I'm fighting it as I really can't miss work or school at this point. I need to be well...I need to be healthy. If not just to feel good then to face whatever crazy stuff I have to face tomorrow and can't tweet about. No one has noticed yet. I'm doubting anyone will...

Cyber Death & Freezing Cold (Day 2)

2011-12-04T00:18:00.000-06:00

So today is November 5th. Still haven't made any sort of posts on social media. So far, no one has noticed my absence.

I woke up this morning freezing cold. I automatically went to the thermostat to adjust it and realized it was set at 72 degrees, but was 62 in the house. I went down into the furnace room and looked at the big machine. I had no clue what I was looking at. So, my step dad came over and said it was auto-pilot and didn't have a pilot light to relight. So, I called the landlord. He came, looked at it, and also couldn't figure it out. So then he called the heating and cooling company who just may be closed till Monday. Right now, I'm fine. It's 68 and is supposed to be fairly nice. However, with the temps dipping way low in the night, I might be pretty uncomfortable till Monday. Not only that, but I may not get a hot shower for a couple days. I believe I used the last of the hot water this morning.

My heater for the time being...

You have no idea how badly I wanted to tweet all of this...to get sympathy or help. I mean, other people have had to have gone through this, right? So tweeting about it may bring about an added knowledge about what I should do. However, all I have is this blog post that won't be posted for 30 days and by that time, I will no longer need sympathy...and I better not still need help.

I say all that to say, there are lots of benefits to having a cyber presence. When you don't have one, you can't reach out to get an answer quickly. There have been a number of times I've tweeted something about a company or product and they actually replied and offered to help! We're back to doing things the old fashion way in this house, though. So...feel bad for me when you read this and then remember, it happened a month ago!

To add to all of that, I got a call from our security people at the office. They told me they had a report of a burglary and had dispatched the cops. So, I had to meet them out there. A few minutes later I arrived at the office and was greeted by two cop cars. I entered the office and they followed to do a walk through to make sure everything was okay. I took off with one of the cops in the opposite end of the building. Meanwhile, the other cop decided to take a bathroom break forgetting he was wearing a video camera. Yep...that's right. He confessed that he'd just taken a bathroom break with his camera on. The three of us had a pretty good laugh about that.

I don't think I have to tell you how much Twitter material I just neglected in that 30 minute period of the day. This has certainly proven to be quite the day to say the least. The good news is, no one had broken in the office.

The Day My Cyber Self Died (Day 1)

2011-12-03T02:01:00.000-06:00

So today is Friday, November 4th. This post will not be made public for 30 days. In fact, no post will be made for 30 days. This is the story of the day my cyber self died (at least temporarily).

I woke up today and had absolutely nothing I wanted to say. In fact, I realized that the last time I said something on social media was yesterday at 9:13 a.m. via Twitter. It's then I realized how dependent I've become on making my thoughts known on social media. To me, it's an outlet. It's a way of putting a thought out there that people can respond to. In many ways, it helps me feel more connected to people in general. It's sad, though. I should feel connected to people even without social media. But I don't.

So I wondered what would happen if one day, I just slipped out of the social media spotlight. What if no one saw another tweet? What if I never uploaded another photo on Facebook? What if I went a whole 30 days without posting a blog entry? My hypothesis? Absolutely nothing. What a lovely little experiment...

I have to tell you, a few times this evening, I've really felt the need to tweet something, but really had nothing of substance I wanted to say. Instead, I decided to bake...order take-out...and watch a chick flick. If anything, this next 30 days will speak volumes about my personal relationships and the kind of impact my social self does or does not have on others. By the time I'm actually able to make a live blog post, I'll almost be done with the semester. Whoop! Whoop! Until then, this post will stay in blogger purgatory until December 3rd! Hope you all are around to keep reading by then...

**All "Cyber Death" chronicle posted entries will drop automatically at 12:01 a.m. each morning. Stay tuned...plenty more to come!

Surreptitious You...

2011-11-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

A presence, so delightful.
I want you all the more.
Fateful connection yet,
Still can't reach the core.

Questions looming in the darkness...
Shed some light on them, I'm pleading.
I am worth the time it's taking
Hope to life it's leading.

The Perfect Storm (NLNM Days 6, 7, 8, and 9)

2011-11-01T21:35:00.000-05:00

Late night Chiefs game. A good one. We won. However, the last few days of my life created the perfect storm bringing me right to this point...a fever...burning eyes...headache...exhaustion. Here's a bit of a rundown.

Friday- Late night (I had to watch the World Series).

Saturday- Up to prepare for The Refuge...clean the house...do laundry. Then...the bright idea to watch Paranormal Activity 3. Another late night.

Sunday- Had The Refuge and had the bright idea to have the kids carve pumpkins afterwards. This was messy and time-consuming. Didn't rest until later than normal and then had to run some more errands to prepare for Monday. That night, after watching a few scary shows, couldn't get to sleep. Got a total of about 3 hours.

Monday- Busy day at work...left in time to change quickly for the Chiefs game. Which, consequently led to a late night because the game went into overtime. Didn't get home until 1...so go about a 5 hour sleep.

So, I got about 8 hours of sleep in two days (which is the recommended amount for just one day).

In addition to that, I've also had at least one soda each day (for caffeine), no exercise, lack of sleep, and certainly not enough fruits and veggies. I've fallen behind. Gained back a couple more pounds along with some sort of virus.

Ugh...I gotta get back on track!

Living on the Edge...

2011-10-30T23:19:00.000-05:00

So for the last couple of days I've really realized my desire to experience a couple of things.

1.) I would love to go to an indoor shooting range. Thinking about wielding a hand gun and shooting a target seems like it would really be a stress-reliever.

2.) Ride along with tornado chasers. If I'm with someone who knows what they're doing, I don't think I would be nearly as nervous.

After those two thoughts and a busy day, I have no energy to give you a NLNM update. I'll do it tomorrow...or the day after. I'm going to be going to a Kansas City Chiefs football game tomorrow night...so I'm sure I'll be out pretty late. Anyhow...those are some random thoughts for the day. They aren't much, but they're something.

I Bleed Red...Cardinal Red (NLNM Day 4 & 5)

2011-10-29T11:20:00.000-05:00

Thursday night, I was a very happy woman when I watched my Saint Louis Cardinals (the obvious underdogs), come back and win a very close game! I wasn't sure how Game 7 would go, but I was obviously psyched to sit in a Buffalo Wild Wings last night and watch on multiple screens as my team took the championship title. Can't wait for next season!

In other news, my New Life, New Me Project is still going strong...

Weight- Lost another pound. That means a total of 4 pounds so far...6 more to lose in 25 days! So, that's roughly 1/4 a pound per day that needs to be lost. So, I think I could lose a pound every 4 days...easy! I got this!
Soda- None! Though, I almost accidentally got some with dinner last night. I caught myself.
Fruits & Veggies: Some! I had some salsa in my dinner (obvious veggies had) and a strawberry smoothie! I love smoothies! There's my fruit!
Exercise: None. Though, I felt like I was running a marathon during Thursday's close World Series game. I'm getting there, though.
Sleep: I had at LEAST 7 hours of sleep both nights (9 last night).

So I think the last 2 days have been quite the success. Which, is way more of an upswing from my bad day the other day.

I'm excited! Now, I'm going to go do some cleaning and laundry! That's exercise, right?

NLNM Project (Day 3): It's a Tight Squeeze These Days...

2011-10-27T19:23:00.000-05:00

What a day! Let me just give you a brief review:

*Forgot my purse at home and had to go all the way back to retrieve it.

*Had an abnormally long line at Starbucks this morning. So, I parked and went inside and decided to get treats for the girls at work. Walking out with a cup of coffee and box of pastries, I stepped on some uneven cement and almost bit it (completely embarrassing myself despite the fact that I didn't actually fall).

*Went to class today to be greeted by a test that I actually wrote down for NEXT Thursday despite my professor's reminder last class period. So, I had to go completely off memory of the lectures and slides and felt completely unprepared. I felt like a slacker...this isn't me! I'm so organized and planned! By the way, my professor reads this blog. I didn't mention to him this slip of memory and human error in my planner simply because it was my fault. There was no excuse. So, Dr. Bond, my apprehension of my test performance today may hold true when the results are in. My apologies in advance for my poor academic performance. This may serve as an example to other students...check and double check due dates and test dates!

*Another day of work distractions. One issue after another has led to multiple business phone calls keeping me from my typical work.

*Now, the Cardinals are playing in the World Series. If they lose tonight, they lose their title as champions. Judging from my day today, I'm not getting my hopes up about this.

Besides dealing with all the fiascoes of the day, there's just not enough time in it! It's such a tight squeeze these days juggling so many things! On the up side, I don't have class tomorrow!

Otherwise, on the NLNM side of things:

Weight- Lost another pound. PROGRESS!

Soda- None!

Fruits & Veggies: None (I know, I know)

Exercise: None. However, my friend Lacey read my blog and I do believe she is going to be dragging my unmotivated rear to Zumba.
\
Sleep: I got about 6 hours. Technically, I still crawled into bed at 11 p.m. That does not mean I went to sleep.

Goes to show...you win some, you lose some. Now, I'm going to try to squeeze the icing of 6 dozen cupcakes in a short span of time while I'm watching the World Series. Here ya go...I'll either be happy or sad in the morning!

NLNM Project (Day 2): I'm Addicted to Soda...

2011-10-26T21:45:00.000-05:00

It's 9:40 p.m. on Day 2. Yep, I've made it to the second day. Though, I don't think too much has changed. Let's do the run down here, shall we?

Weight Loss- My friend Ashley talked me into celebrating National Greasy Food Day last night. We'll just say it wasn't pretty. Though, I didn't gain anything...I also didn't lose anything. That'll probably be different tomorrow since I had no time to eat lunch today and my dinner consisted of a java chip frap from Starbucks and a few stray cupcakes I've been baking.
Soda Consumption- None! I just want you to grasp how huge this is for me...this is what's currently in my fridge...

I also realized that I haven't drank many fluids today at all. I'm about to change that. Don't worry.
Exercising- Also, NONE! Remember when I said Wednesday would be the day? Well, a cupcake order came in that needed to be done. So, if my dancing in the kitchen while I'm baking isn't considered exercising...than I really have nothing else to say. I'M SO BUSY!
Fruits and Veggies- If you count that slushie I had last night at the movie theater? Oh, I'm doomed.
Sleep- Went to bed at 11. Woke up at 2 a.m., 5 a.m., and finally at 6. We'll just say this sleep wasn't quite as satisfying as the last. I have 1 hour and 20 minutes to kick my feet up before I crawl into bed. I'm going to do it...and I'm going to like it.
Again...do I need to repeat that this thing is definitely a full time job? I don't have time for healthy and...when I try...I fail miserably. If I can walk out of this 30 days with weight loss and feeling more energetic...it might be a miracle. BUT...there's always hope!

New Life, New Me Project (Day 1)

2011-10-25T19:35:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was my first day of Phase 1 of "New Life, New Me." I wanted to share my progress so that this blog (and my readers) can hold me accountable.

Weight Loss- So, I became pretty busy yesterday and discovered at 11 p.m. (when I was crawling into bed to ensure my 7-hour sleep), that I hadn't eaten dinner. Bummer. Because of that, I had a 2 lb weight loss. Which, knocks my goal out of the park, but is by no means indicative of future weight loss because, well...I don't forget to eat often. Or ever, really.

Soda Consumption- None! Made it through the day without it despite the 4 12-packs in my fridge (it's for the house church people...don't judge).

Exercising- Also, NONE! Ugh. I intended to go for a walk after work, but after many errands and a rush home to watch the World Series, I didn't have any time. I'm thinking Wednesday might be the first night I have a chance.

Fruits and Veggies- Some! I had a salad for lunch...that was chalked full of veggies. Just didn't get to the fruits...but, hey...it's a start!

Sleep- I sort of got 7 hours. Went to bed at 11...got woke up by my phone ringing at midnight (what's the big idea?! Ha!) then slept straight through to 5:45. So...closer than normal. I did have the most incredible sleep and woke up too comfortable and warm to get out of bed! A special thanks to my fuzzy socks and a over sized Outrigger sweatshirt for the wonderful night. Much appreciated!

I really don't understand how people lead such healthy lifestyles. It's a full time job! Any suggestions from other multi-vocational folks??? I'm certainly giving it my best!

Willie Nelson in the House!

2011-10-24T11:22:00.000-05:00

So...a very well-known blogger whom I read regularly, recently asked about the weirdest dreams people have had. I happily submitted mine about Willie Nelson...which I mentioned in an early blog post: Kari's Willie Nelson Dream

He used it in his most recent blog entry. So, I wanted to send all my peeps his way. I giggled to myself a little...some of the other submissions are even more goofy than mine! So check it out: Single Dad Laughing

Make sure you leave him a comment!

Social Media vs. Social Life...

2011-10-23T20:47:00.000-05:00

As a part of my PR Campaigns class, we were given an assignment to blog about social media. Since I've already been blogging a vast majority of my adult life, I was excited about the assignment. While I blog about everything under the sun, I'm most passionate about public relations. I'm hoping to use what I learn with this degree both in my ministry and in my personal career.

The one thing about social media is that it is what it says...social. It was created to interact with others. My blog? Social media. It's true, this blog was created specifically for me personally. It's a personal chronical of my life and helps me vent. In many ways, its my daily therapy. However, professionally speaking, it's also a means of personal branding. It's always been a question about whether social media creates a narcissitic personality. I'm of the thought that most of society has created that type of personality. The people who say its narcissitic? They have narcissitic tendencies too. They may not blog about their life, but I could almost bet they use some other form of social media.

Last week I'd asked you all to participate in a poll asking about what forms of social media you use. To your right, you will see the results of that poll. 100% of the voters who participated used Facebook. It's astonishing, Facebook is one of the biggest forms of social media these days! Despite it's many changes that people detest, a vast majority of people continue to use it.

Facebook is sometimes a bit of a struggle for me. Do I want people knowing EVERYTHING about my life? Absolutely not! Despite what you may believe, I choose not to share it all on here. There are things my faithful readers, friends, and family don't know about me. I'd like to keep it that way. However, Facebook sometimes makes it difficult. There have been many times in which I just shut it off for a short time just to get my own stuff together without the distraction and without the judgement. On the other hand, some people use Facebook and social media in general to replace relationships.

I have to admit, social media has been a great tool for keeping in touch with friends that don't live close to me. I'm thankful for texting and Facebook. I'm also thankful for Skype (if only I could get certain friends to use the web cam). There are times where it would be nice just to see their face...see their laugh...see their eye roll at my crazy ideas. We have these remarkable tools at our fingertips to talk to people we love on a daily basis if we want to!

However, none of that could compare to really being with those people face to face! This time last year, I followed a remarkable social experiment done by a Miss Cristin Norine. She shut herself in a glass box for a month while passersby got to watch her every move. Her only contact with the outside world was via social media. If you read her blog here The Public Isolation Project you can see that towards the end, she started to crave physical contact. There are people I haven't seen in years that I crave their hugs, but I couldn't imagine going without that from anyone for 30 days. She kept in contact with them through her web cam, but it just wasn't the same to her emotional and physical self. I understand that.

So while social media is a wonderful way to communicate with friends (and with the public), nothing can compare to being right in front of them. Just writing this, I feel like it's time to buy a plane ticket! Facebook stalking is a wonderful thing, but I crave quality time with the people I love most dearly whom I don't get to see every day or even every month. I think I just need to make that happen sooner rather than later.

The moral of the blog? Embrace social media. Use it. Love it. Embrace people more. Don't use them, but definitely love them.

New Life, New Me...

2011-10-23T18:19:00.000-05:00

So the other night, I talked about how I'm really disappointed with my personal appearance these days and I'm going to change that. Yes, I really just want to look better than I ever have...because I'm older than I've ever been (isn't that the story of every one's life). There are two phases to this little personal journey.

PHASE I: GET HEALTHY (Look 22 by 22)

From October 24th-November 22nd, I will be doing the following:

*Losing 10 lbs (or .3 lbs a day)
*Not drinking any soda
*Exercising at least 3 times a week (or equal to 2 hours a week).
*Eating more fruits and vegetables
*Getting at least 7 hours of sleep per night

Hopefully in doing this first phase, I will get my body used to a healthier way of doing things. I drink far too much soda, exercise sporadically, and do well to get more than 5 hours of sleep a night. All of those things are probably really affecting my energy levels. I fully believe I should not feel like falling asleep everyday at 3 in the afternoon.

PHASE II: GET HOT

For this phase, I will be enlisting the help of some good (fashionable) friends to:

*Sift through my current clothing & toss what doesn't work.
*Create a personal style that fits my personality & age.
*Get better at accessorizing (when it comes to belts, jewelry, hats...I'm at a loss).

That means, by Thanksgiving, I should have a whole lot to be thankful for! I mean...I have a serious issue. I went to our annual Holiday Mart yesterday and made my way through isles of vendors to walk away with more bottled sauces and dips than fashion accessories or clothes. I did get one really wonderful french clutch. It was made in Paris and definitely fits my personality.

Isn't it adorable?

Besides that, I got some awesome KC BBQ Sauce, Silly Dilly Dill Dip (I get this every year), Garlic cheese sauce, olive oil herb mix, and cheese cake bread. I almost picked up some Asian marinade and stopped myself realizing the massive amount of groceries I just bought over all the cute decor, crafts, and fashion items. Luckily, most of this stuff I will use for future holiday gatherings I'll be hosting.

Okay...that's all for now. I'm preparing to watch my Cardinals game shortly...after I watched the Chiefs kill the Raiders. I'm a happy girl right now! Not to mention...I'm winning fantasy football this week! Oh yeah!

The Right Way to Write...

2011-10-22T08:55:00.000-05:00

When I started back to college again, I was seriously contemplating majoring in journalism. I loved writing and believed I was very good at it. Well, this semester has changed everything I previously believed about journalism. You see, for my PR major, I had to take a journalism class. At first, I was excited about this for obvious reasons. However, after writing a few pieces and getting a B, I started to become very frustrated.

So yesterday, I met with the teacher (as required, I didn't go searching him out) about some story proposals we were supposed to do. He read through them and turned to me and said, "I think this first one is really good. You are an incredible writer and I'd really like to submit one of your pieces to the Griffin News." I think I probably gave him a really astonished look. At that point, I could've asked about why he kept giving me B's. I mean, he never cited any grammatical errors or anything. His most recent reason for the B was, "Your last paragraph seems a little like fluff to get you to the 450 word requirement." First of all, I was over 450 words. I'm a wordy person. Second of all, it was a summary! So I don't get it...if I'm such a great writer, why am I not pulling more A's on my stories? I've seriously lost my love for journalism simply because I have no idea how to get an A in this class! Maybe this is his way of challenging me? But as an overachiever, I just feel beat.

To add to that, we were supposed to write a sports piece and either attend the Griffon volleyball game last night or the homecoming football game today. Since I'll be attending the Holiday Mart in KC today, I opted for the volleyball game. I know nothing about volleyball...so writing a story about it should be interesting. So I did what anyone would do, I grabbed my friend Aubree and made her participate in my journalism defeat. My hopes weren't very high for the night. However, I actually ended up having a really great time and enjoyed watching the game! Imagine that...it's not a real loss.

And to my journalism professor (who shall remain nameless), please...please...please...give me an A in this class. I'm a good writer, dang it! Okay...that's all.

Hot vs. Beautiful...

2011-10-20T22:03:00.000-05:00

New house...new office...new ministry venture...

Now...how about some better looks?! I've certainly gotten better with age when it comes to maturity. However, a few pounds...few greys...and a few laugh lines later and I'm feeling a little bit disappointed in my physical appearance. Now...I'm not fishing for compliments here and doing it now would seem insincere (I'm sure you mean well...but don't). I don't remember the last time I was called "beautiful." Not hot...beautiful. There's something a little different about being called beautiful.

I recently needed to dress up for a work event...wore a nice dress and some killer heels (that killed my feet). I walked into the supermarket that morning and I felt people took more notice of me. So I stood a little taller...walked a little prouder...

I need that boost again for myself. I need to feel good in my own skin again and truly feel beautiful. I was so young the last time I really felt I was at my best. So, I need to aim for a healthier lifestyle and maybe opt for something a little different even when comfort seems easier to maintain for a full time college student, manager, and minister. I'm going to brainstorm about this for a bit...hopefully tomorrow I'll have a plan of action.

How awesome would it be to look 19 again? Okay, okay...maybe 22??

22 Years Old

Today: *Cough, Cough* years old

All I Got...

2011-10-20T17:35:00.000-05:00

There might be some who think this song was written by me...

Feeling a Little Green...

2011-10-19T21:17:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to bed so excited to pull out my Cardinals sweatshirt to wear to work today. It wasn't until about 2 a.m. that my concern about my wardrobe completely flew out the window as I woke up with the worst nausea and pain. I went back to sleep hoping I could sleep it off and woke up this morning determined to get ready and be on my way. About 30 minutes after waking up and trying to get up and going, I began feeling worse. I thought about going into the office and picking up work to bring home, but I couldn't motivate my body to do anything besides feel bad. I texted the staff that I wasn't going to make it and fell into a deep sleep until late morning when I finally moved myself to the couch where I stayed the whole day and slept some more. I'm not sure what this will do for my sleeping tonight.

So here I sit still on the couch...in my sweats...watching the World Series and thinking about the loads of work I'll need to catch up on tomorrow. I didn't take much enjoyment in being at home today. I'd much rather lounge around when the office is closed and I'm not seriously falling behind on my office work...and homework...and housework...

Here's to a better day tomorrow...

Go Cardinals!

By the Grace of God...

2011-10-18T21:58:00.000-05:00

...the Cardinals made it to the World Series...

...I won my match up during fantasy football this week...

...I didn't fall asleep at my desk today despite my extreme fatigue...

...I finished all my homework before 10 p.m...

...I aced both of those quizzes without much study time...

...I got rid of my sore throat and now only sound like I swallowed a frog.

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."

-1 John 1:16

Help Me With My Homework...Social Media...What Do You Use?

2011-10-17T08:27:00.000-05:00

I will be posting a blog entry soon regarding social media for my PR Campaigns class as an assignment. However, I'm needing your help. On the right of the screen, you will see a poll I posted. Please choose all forms of social media you use. I'll use the results for my future post. Thank you in advance!

I'm Not Sporty, but I Like Sports...

2011-10-16T19:45:00.000-05:00

I have a sore throat. There are two things that would make it less miserable...

1.) The Cardinals win against the Brewers and head to the World Series.

2.) I win my Fantasy Football matchup this week.

We'll see how successful this night turns out. Until then, I better go searching for some Airborne before this sore throat thing gets too out of hand.

Those Who Can't Sleep, Bake...

2011-10-15T02:38:00.000-05:00

It's 2:24 a.m. exactly and insomnia has struck again! After a few hours of trying to fall asleep, I decided I should just get up and get some things done. That way, when I want to sleep tomorrow, I'll be able to knowing my list is done!

This has become a reoccurring issue as of lately. I'll have a thought and my mind runs with it and I just can't get it to shut down. That's precisely what happened tonight. On the bright side, my chocolate chip cookies will be baked and ready to go by sunrise! Another bright side? I was kind of hungry anyway. I only ate one meal today (the whole busy thing got in the way). So I licked the beaters. I'm not ashamed to confess it.

I'm also watching The Lake House for the millionth time in a row. I love this movie...never get sick of it.

Now, maybe I can wear myself out enough to get some sleep!

Oy! My Spinning Head...

2011-10-14T21:31:00.000-05:00

It's Friday. Most thank God. I think about my list! Monday through Thursday are my work days. That's when I do the job that is the most lucrative and pays my bills. It was a full moon this week and every personality expanded 1,000%. Unfortunately, my office door does not have a lock on it.

Every day right in the middle of the morning I leave for my class...either PR Campaigns or Journalism. I've become keenly aware of the fact that I am so glad I picked PR over Journalism! My plate is full, though. With our campaigns just kicking into gear and three different beats for journalism, I definitely push the due dates to their brink!

This weekend? Clean this wretched house I've been neglecting and knock out some laundry! I should've done that today, I just didn't have the energy! I'm doing a cupcake order for Boss' Day (which I probably should think about that too since I have a boss). I also need to go pick up supplies for Sunday at The Refuge (our house church) where I will be providing a taco bar, Spanish rice, and chocolate chip cookies (yeah...that last one doesn't so much go with my fiesta theme, huh). My cooking has been thrown into full throttle since the start of this house church. Not only does my home need to be clean, but I now have a few bellies to feed. Don't be fooled... love every minute of it.

Tomorrow night I will pull out my best bowling moves with our Refuge fellowship night at the bowling alley. Yep...something about cosmic bowling makes me so happy! Though, I come out smelling like a chimney. I'm crossing my fingers they pass the clean air laws here so I can be assured I won't get lung cancer on bowling night.

Sunday? The Refuge, of course! The rest of the day I plan to stay in a vegetative state on my couch watching endless football games and trying to recover from such a full week. Even though my head is spinning, I don't know of too many other things I'd rather be doing (most of which include globs of money I don't have).

What are your weekend plans?

Such a Pain in the Thumb! CMC Joint Arthritis...

2011-10-13T20:54:00.000-05:00

A little over a month ago, I started having nagging pain in thumb of my left hand. After a week of this, I finally got sick of it and looked up the symptoms online. I was having symptoms of CMC joint arthritis. I asked the doctor about it and he told me it was the most common place to get arthritis and to wear a brace for two weeks, non-stop as well as take some anti-inflammatory. I did this and, after a while, the pain subsided.

However, this afternoon, the pain was very much present again. While shopping, I began dropping items I was holding simply because the thumb was weak and I couldn't grip the items without extreme pain. I've always had joint issues, but this pain is more than just an ache...it feels like someone is jabbing a blunt knife into the joint. Not fun. The most annoying part is, I really just can't use that thumb. You'd be shocked how much you use it when you can't use it anymore. It's certainly proof that every part of our body is so extraordinarily important.

The CMC joint is here:

You can read more about this here. Anyone else suffer from this type of arthritis? How have you been treated in the past? Anyone actually get the surgery to correct it?

What in the World is Sweetest Day?

2011-10-11T21:00:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at work today and looked over at my calendar. I saw that this Saturday (October 15th) is "Sweetest Day." I have to be honest, I've never really known what this day is. I've noticed it a time or two, but never really celebrated it or went any deeper to find out what it was. So I did some research...

Sweetest Day was first celebrated in Cleveland, Ohio in the early 1920's. Some people believe it to be invented by philanthropist and candy company employee (awesome career combo), Herbert Birch Kingston. It was originally about giving to the less fortunate. In modern society, we've made it about romance and giving to friends and family. While, I believe romance is awesome and a thing to be celebrated, I don't think we ever should've lost sight of the original thought of "Sweetest Day."

I immediately began to think that I needed to celebrate this day the way it was really supposed to be celebrated. So, in light of that, I've began to brainstorm about how best I can celebrate it. I don't have a lot of dispensable income, so it'll need to be something affordable yet thoughtful and useful.

Any ideas?

Are you going to celebrate "Sweetest Day?" If so, how?

The Best Time and the Wise Time...

2011-10-10T19:26:00.000-05:00

Time is a precious thing. We all have a limited amount of it. We try to steal it, buy it, or cheat it. The most disappointing of all activities involving time are those that waste it. Not only are they doing a disservice to others, but they are doing a disservice to themselves.

I feel it's so telling the way people spend their time. For me, I want to spend it experiencing things. Though, because of the lack of resources, end up using it to do things I rather would not do. Tonight, though, while watching a movie (I won't say which), I was struck by the very busy main character who met a girl who maybe hadn't had the most attention or time spent on her. Suddenly, he brought her out of her low self-image simply by investing his time in her.

There are many instances in which I want to spend my time on others. These times are when I call just to chat, when I enjoy a meal with a friend, or go see a movie with my mom. Sometimes, I long for someone's time. I crave attention. In fact, birthdays are easy...I don't need a thing. I do want your time. My mom has gotten the hang of this...she'll take me to a movie or to dinner and, to me, that's the best gift.

At some point, we find people who find us special enough to spend extra time on us. Dinners become more frequent as do phone calls. Suddenly, we've found a special thing. That kind of time really makes me feel good. I hope to have more of that. In turn, I hope to give more of it. I hope to be a good steward of my time and bless someone with the gift of it.

Kari's Shrimp Scampi & Cheese Pasta Recipe...

2011-10-09T19:07:00.000-05:00

I think this is a first for Life...a recipe. Every once in a while, I like to experiment in the kitchen. Tonight was a success as I tried to come up with my own spin on shrimp scampi and pasta. I've decided I would share it. So...here you go!

What you'll need:

Spaghetti pasta
Butter
Frozen/Fresh baby shrimp

Spices:
Oregano
Parsley
Basil
Garlic Salt
Pepper
Salt

1.) Thaw shrimp by boiling them in water.

2.) Boil pasta in water and salt (to taste).

3.) Melt a stick of butter along with oregano, parsley, basil, garlic salt, and pepper to taste. I used a dash from each shaker. Be especially careful with the garlic salt as you don't want your meal to be too salty.

4.) Once the butter is melted, add the thawed shrimp and bring to a slight boil.

5.) Drain cooked pasta and pour butter and shrimp mixture over it and toss well.

6.) Sprinkle shredded four-cheese mixture on the top to melt.

7.) Serve with garlic bread.

It's delicious! Try it out and tell me what you think!

Learning to Lean...

2011-10-08T12:37:00.000-05:00

While reading my daily scripture verses, I came across a verse that I don't believe ever really hit me as hard during times I've read it in the past.

"Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?" -Song of Songs 8:5

Everyone knows...I'm a planner. I have to know the steps I need to take before I take them and hate to leave anything to chance. Leaning is a lesson I believe God has been trying to teach me this whole time! For years, I've been in a secret wilderness. I believe, quite certainly, that God has given me a few promises that seem to be taking years to come to reality in my life. It's like seeing something you really want and then being told you'll just have to wait until God's ready to give it to you to have it.

That's been a huge struggle. Everyday I think, "Today, God? Is it going to be today?" Everyday then ends without the miracle I've been waiting on. Some days, I doubt the promise. I think that all of the miraculous things that brought me to where I am now are coincidence. I never know what my next step will be or if I will just need to continue to wait here in this place like David did in the bible only for his crown to be brought to him in Ziklag...the place he didn't really want to be. His promise and destiny was to have the crown and to be King. Instead, he ended up in Ziklag while running for his life. The question...Am I David in this scenario? Will the crown be brought to me? Or...am I the crown to be brought somewhere else?

These are questions I'm sure that won't be answered until God sees it fit. Either way, I want it all to come about just like that scripture. When I get to come out of the wilderness...I want to be seen leaning on my beloved...Christ.

What Westboro Baptist Church Can Learn from Steve Jobs...

2011-10-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

Like most everyone else, the news of Steve Jobs passing was heartbreaking for me. As a proud user of an iphone, I marveled at his vision and success. His life and accomplishments can certainly echo the importance of inscribing our initials on our life. That's certainly a goal for me; to leave a legacy and live a life that will change other lives for years to come. Steve Jobs has changed the way of life for many people. His innovations have made life easier and have opened the doors for many more possibilities in the way of technology.

Being a Christian woman, I am not in a place to judge the spiritual life of Steve Jobs. I can be thankful for his contribution for society and hope that he was a man who loved God. However, the extremist church (a cult in my opinion) Westboro Baptist Church has decided to picket at the funeral of Steve Jobs. What's more interesting is the fact that Margie Phelps tweeted, "Westboro will picket his funeral. He had a huge platform; gave God no glory & taught sin." The irony here? She tweeted it from her iphone!

Westboro could learn a serious lesson from the life of Steve Jobs. Their contribution to society (or lack thereof) should be for the good of those they share the planet with. They in no way add anything to anyone's life. The initials they are inscribing on their own lives are ones of malice, hatred, and everything anti-God I know. They aren't Christians. They don't love God.

It sickens me to think that people like this can put a bad taste in society's mouth towards Christians. I want my life to shout louder than their messages of hatred that God is a God of love and mercy and that these people aren't people of God. Instead of picketing the death of someone's loved one or friend...they should be extending love to those who had such a huge loss. Instead, they are mocking the loss in front of a grieving family.

I think Christians have a lot of work cut out for them. We should be inscribing our initials in the tapestry of our lives that speaks hope and healing to those we leave in our shadow. If anything, this motivates me to counteract voices like those of the Westboro Baptist Church. It should do the same for everyone else. Life...so fragile and we have only one to live. Let's start living it to the best.

Things to do When You Suffer From Insomnia...

2011-10-06T01:40:00.000-05:00

I thought I was tired at 9. Fell asleep till 10. Woke up and it is now 1:30 and I can't get back to sleep for the life of me. So...I may or may not have done the following things tonight. Either way, they sure are good for passing the time.

*Floss.

*Paint your nails.

*Google friends.

*Google yourself.

*Facebook stalk.

*Alphabetize your DVD/Book shelf

*Scan new iphone apps and add a few.

*Hit shuffle on your ipod and have some solo karaoke time.

*Think about what you would do with a million dollars.

*Count sheep. Then realize counting sheep is boring, so count something like shoes while color coding your own in your closet.

*Think about one person you would like to wake up right now to keep you entertained. Then think about how angry they would be if you ever tried waking them up to do such things.

*Think about how good you would look 20 lbs lighter...then plan a new diet to start tomorrow. Then, grab a donut from the kitchen. If you're going to be awake, might as well get in that last snack.

*Think about going into work early. Then, scrap that idea and go to sleep.

Okay...I'm going to go work on that last part. 2 a.m. will be here fast and that will only give me a whopping 3.5 hours of sleep for a 12 hour work day. Oh joy. I might just try hitting myself in the head with a frying pan.

Text Addiction Treatment...

2011-10-05T20:03:00.001-05:00

So today, I’ve refrained from initiating text conversation. So far, in less than 24 hours, 2 people have initiated text conversations with me. I replied in less than 30 minutes for both.
I have found not initiating texts very difficult. There were several times throughout the day when I wanted to text someone something. Instead, I jotted them down and stuck them in my desk drawer which seemed to help a little in getting the thought physically out of my head,
However, then it came to something I felt was very important: wardrobe. We’re having a work open house tomorrow and I wanted to text someone some pictures to see what outfit I should wear for tomorrow. However, I couldn’t do that.

Now I have no idea what I'm going to do...

Rules for Texting...

2011-10-04T21:36:00.000-05:00

I'm a textaholic. I text everyday, several times a day. It came to my attention today mid-text. My first thought was, "Just don't send it." So...I didn't. I don't know how many times I've texted something completely random because the thought popped into my mind. Maybe discretion is key?

So I've set out to come up with "Kari's Rules for Texting." This starts with some basics:

1. Don't text before 6 a.m. or after 11 p.m.

2. Do not mix alcohol and texting (never done this, but have been a victim a time or two).

3. Don't profess your undying love, propose marriage, or announce a pregnancy via text.

4. Proofread.

Then let me build on that a little and be a bit more specific:

5. Random texts should not be frequent (daily), but restricted to once or twice a week.

6. Keep them short and sweet. They are meant to be less wordy.

7. Initiating multiple text convos in one day should only be done for important purposes.

8. Don't rely on it as your main source of communication. Sometimes, it's okay to call.

9. Don't try to be funny. Humor doesn't translate well via text & can be easily misunderstood.

10. Try to return a text within 4 hours. It's just polite.

Most of these rules hit me square between the eyes. I think that tomorrow, I will try to go without initiating any text conversations. Yes, folks...24 hours of me not initiating a convo by text. I will only reply. I'm getting anxious already. Oh boy. I need rehab.

The Big Distraction...

2011-10-04T20:14:00.000-05:00

Today, I haven't quite had my wits about me. In fact, I've been highly distractable today!

First, I tackled a mound of work in the office and kept getting distracted by thoughts about anything and everything including recent discussions with people. I replay conversations in my head over and over and analyze seemingly every word when it's important to me. So, those thoughts distracted me from getting as much done as I usually would.

Then, I came home to tackle some homework. I had to read a chapter of text and got distracted by the television. So, I decided to allow myself a segment of viewing pleasure for every chapter I read. And...the chapter is done.

Then I came to the work part of the night and now I'm distracted by telling the blog world about my distractions today and "Tough Love Miami." This is just not me. I'm usually very focused. So I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt today and hoping I can get my head together tomorrow. I'll finish my work tonight...but it won't be without some effort.

Somewhere Only We Know

2011-10-03T21:15:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite songs because it's so beautiful.

One of my favorite movies...because I can so relate!

What You Make of It...

2011-10-03T20:27:00.000-05:00

I'm realizing that life holds a lot of misfortunes. Most of which, for me anyway, felt like the end of the world. It wasn't. Life is simply what you make of it.

My most miserable of moments have turned into the biggest of blessings. The times in which I didn't think I could feel any lower, I realized there is always a mountaintop experience on the brink. My days might be uncertain, but God is certainly unfazed by my surprising moments. Why? Because He knew about it before it ever came to pass.

I've learned to be certain about quite a few things recently. When I don't see the situation finding a resolution, I hold on to the one hope I know I have...His promise. In that hope, I find life is quite certain. That if you have a problem, God has the answer. If you don't see His promise coming to fulfillment, He has always been and always will be faithful.

So no matter what kind of "lemons" life hands me. I know God better now than I did in my last struggle. In that knowledge, I also know that I'll walk away from the situation with a heart more full, a mind more focused, and a life more fulfilled.

I may not see it now...but I know I will. In that...I find my peace.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

Some People's Kids...

2011-09-30T13:53:00.000-05:00

Out of sheer boredom because I have nothing else to do today...

I've discovered today that there are a few attitudes that I am completely and totally irritated by. These may be attitudes that you possess...and for that I'm sorry. However, if I don't speak the truth...I might just explode!

Type #1: The Desperate Girl

I know...you really want that relationship. You've met the man of your dreams and you become completely and totally obsessed. Believe me...I've been there before and it's not something I'm proud of. However, I also learned how to combat against this specific attitude. While "He's Just Not That Into You" has some really good points, I've narrowed it down to just two really important things...

*If he likes you, he will ask you out. Stop obsessing over why he hasn't asked you out. Typically, if you really can't stand the wait, ask him yourself. If he accepts...wonderful! However, DO NOT ASK A SECOND TIME. You've given him enough time to decide if he likes you. You've had your shot to prove how great you are. You don't need to keep pursuing it...he will do the rest if that's what he wants. If he doesn't, get over it and move on. There are other fish in the sea.

*If he likes you, he will call, text, or email you for no good reason. This is something I've been terrible about in the past. I've been a serial texter. It's not something I'm proud of. I've learned, though, the best way to freak someone out is to be one of these people. Just don't do it. If he likes you, he will pursue you. Let him initiate the communications. If he doesn't, get over it and move on. Whatever you do...DON'T SIT BY THE PHONE!

Type #2: The Passionately Uninformed

I took a test in one of my classes today. The teacher gave a bonus question: "Name two republican presidential candidates that are currently in the running." I smiled...obviously because I knew more than than two. Afterwards a student complained that the question was too hard. She proceeded to share that she doesn't watch the news...she watches Jersey Shore. The rest of the class echoed those same complaints.

What's more irritating is that these students are the same ones that will have passionate debates on why Obama is or is not a good president. Really? You can be so passionate during a political discussion, but not know a single thing about current events?

*If you have an opinion, know why. There is nothing more irritating than someone who can make a statement like, "Obama is a great president!" and then not be able to give me a reason why. Believe me...him being a good speaker should not be on that list.

*If you don't know why, shut up. Until you can put some time and effort into knowing why you believe something, don't say anything. You will look stupid. Smart debaters are the ones who have an opinion, know why they hold that opinion, and then not get offended when someone else doesn't agree.

Type #3: The Incredibly Bad Driver with Road Rage

Yep, you probably know the type. They get behind the wheel and drive like nothing in the world is going to hurt them. They swerve all over the road, text while they drive, and do everything but pay attention to where they are going. Then, because they aren't paying attention to the road, they almost get into an accident with another vehicle that is totally unsuspecting and doing everything right. The bad driver honks and yells wildly like the other person never should've been there in the first place. Though, the whole situation could've been prevented had the bad driver been keeping their hands on the wheel and actually LOOKING at the road!

*If you can't stay in between the lines, you should not be multi-tasking! You are sure to kill someone someday driving that wrecklessly. Just stop.

*If you are multi-tasking and neglect to see the car in front of you, don't get mad at them because it's your fault. That's right. Don't honk. Don't flip them the bird. Don't yell like a mad person. It was your fault, idiot. Pay attention next time and you might avoid such circumstances.

Okay...I feel better now. Carry on...

Fizzle...

2011-09-28T22:08:00.000-05:00

I'm realizing my need to blog...but I'm just too tired. My apologies...

I knew you'd understand!

However, to hold you over, you can read something I said in the news...

http://www.newspressnow.com/localnews/29323029/detail.html

Cool Stuff I Use

2011-09-25T20:01:00.000-05:00

Blogs. They are such a vital part of social networking. However, this blog is less for practical use and more a personal chronicle of my life. Proper blogs provide practical information for people to use. So, I've decided to give a bit of a try to breaking into the blogs of practical information by starting a new blog that offers information about things I use that I would suggest to friends and family. I'm always on the hunt for unique things.

Don't worry...this blog will still be my main site for all things Life. However, I think you may find the new blog of some practical use. Check it out...tell me what you think. And, if you would like to suggest a cool thing you think I would like, feel free to do that too!

Check us out: Cool Stuff I Use

Everything I Want...

2011-09-23T21:03:00.000-05:00

I want to be loved passionately and deeply.
I want to be pursued and chased after like I was a prized possession.
I don't need to be won, I want to be caught.

I want balance and stability.
I want to trust that everything needed will be sustained.
I don't need to be bossed, I want to be led.

I want peace and serenity.
I want to trust everything in my environment can be sustained.
I don't need to be lavished, I want to be comforted.

I want safety and protection.
I want to know I will be taken care of even when I can take care of myself.
I don't want to be a victim, I want to be mission.

I want hope and a promise.
I want to know your oath is steadfast and your word is iron.
I don't want to be cheated, I want to be yours.

The Punch of Life

2011-09-23T06:58:00.000-05:00

Life. Full of the unexpected...the uncertain...the unsatisfied. Life punched me in the face yesterday. Which, I believe is the culprit of this terrible headache this morning. Oh...the punch was my own fault. Don't get me wrong. I asked for it. I watched as it's fist barreled to my face in slow motion, yet did nothing to try to move out of it's way. Mostly because I couldn't get out of my own. It hurled insults at me about how doomed I am if I don't figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. How I'll end up like the crazy cat lady...only without the cats.

Remember that revelation I was talking about the last blog post? Yeah...I'm realizing my need for one of those. I need to reach down in this deep, dark pit and pull myself out. Can someone throw me a rope?

Dream a Dream...

2011-09-21T22:09:00.000-05:00

Life is so complicated sometimes. Today, I felt like everything was spiraling out of control. With the office move and school...some days I'm not so sure will end in success. The important thing is, I survived today.

I found myself really thinking about the future today. With this chaos going on, sometimes I'm so preoccupied with what's happening, I forget to think about what could happen. Looking ahead, I couldn't envision anything. I've gotten so used to life as usual, that I can't see anything different from the norm. Which, is sad. I can't picture myself graduating, though I'm putting in the work. I can't see myself being married and having a family of my own, though I experience twinges of desire for both mixed with fear and uncertainty simultaneously. I can't see myself being any better off financially, even though that's what getting this degree is all about. Does that mean that I will cease to exist before I can accomplish them? Or does that just mean that I'm lacking the ability to see beyond today and actually dream of one day having all the things that I believe I want.

Then again, maybe all these thoughts about not having thoughts about the future stem from being so busy that I'm too tired to dream. Maybe when the dust settles I'll have this remarkable revelation of what I want to see for myself. I see people's dreams come true every day. I see people get what they want and revel in their joy over it. So my mission is to find my dream...seize it...and then revel in it's joy just like everyone else. Now...if someone could just give me the magic equation for making that happen, I'll be in business.

The Dream

2011-09-20T22:25:00.000-05:00

A fanciful notion swirls in my mind...
A dream of pure whimsy and hard to define.
Why can't I get a grasp on reality's snare?
Not having my dreams, but my heart it would spare.

I push forward and you just shrink back...
If your actions were present, my dreams wouldn't lack.
What holds you back from giving your all?
Lackluster of the dream or afraid you will fall?

I just go on waiting and hoping for return.
Unsure of victory or of hard lessons to learn.
My fate isn't mine because it's held in your grasp.
Just promise this misery won't always last.

My Favorite Things: Movies

2011-09-13T21:23:00.000-05:00

I've recently been recommending movies to some girlfriends of mine. Considering this is a blog about life and movies are a big part of mine, I figured I should share some of my favorite movies! Here are just ten of them:

Definitely, Maybe

The Holiday

The Wedding Date

The Lake House

When Harry Met Sally

Raising Helen

Julie and Julia

The Time Traveler's Wife

2012

Hereafter

These movies are ones I've watched at least twice (sometimes way more than that). Feel free to give me your opinion on the list regardless of if you agree with me or not. Or...just add your own. Who knows? Some of your favorites might become mine!

Loving Your Life? The Love Dare Revisted in Life...

2011-09-12T22:41:00.000-05:00

I got a bit discouraged today and hit a brick wall of desperation. I began my crisis management by hopping in a hot, relaxing shower with some mellow music. It's then it hit me...the Love Dare. You've heard about it. Fireproof was the eye-opening movie showing a marriage in shambles. Couldn't something like the Love Dare help a life in shambles? I fully believe my discontent in areas of my life are on me. I own it. So I also have to change it by first changing me.

So starting at midnight, I will go through 40 days of the Love Dare and apply it to life in general. Yep. This should be interesting since it's really more for relationships than anything else. So tomorrow, this is the Day 1 Challenge:

"Demonstrate patience and say nothing negative."

Day one is going to be pretty difficult. I'll manage.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

—Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Church Made Simple

2011-09-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

Never thought preparing for church on a weekly basis would mean numerous trips to the store to purchase things like brats, burgers, and buns. Three weeks ago tomorrow, we started something called a house church in the basement of my new home. I was informed by my state administrative bishop that this is also called "simple church." That's a name I've grown to love because that's absolutely what it is.

Our routine? Well, the last two Sundays included people gradually making their way in and talking with each other for the first few minutes. The first Sunday I believe everyone left with a new friend (including myself). After that, I made some announcements and then went straight in to bible study. The first week we talked about patience and the second week we talked about temptation (which was undoubtedly a very deep subject). I asked questions to try to get people involved in the conversation if they wished. If they didn't, I continued on. Afterwards, we ended in prayer for our issues and the issues of others we know.

The goal? I want to seek out every single person in this city that would feel uncomfortable in church. Some who have attended have been regular church goers the majority of their lives while others are still searching for a place they can fit. I hope to give them that place.

There is one scripture that comes to mind when I think of what I hope God will do through this new mission.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. -Isaiah 61:1-3

My prayer everyday is to be able to see these wonderful people to become oaks of righteousness for the display of God's spendor. I've never had such a burden before quite like this and I've never done something this out of the ordinary. However, I think when God called us to be the church, He never meant for us to be confined to the four walls of a grand building. So instead, I'm opening my home and feeding the ones who enter (sometimes strangers) and hoping that something I have to offer from God's word plants the seed that will sprout into those mighty oaks of righteousness.

I've had this song on my heart today:

Life Updates...

2011-09-05T22:07:00.000-05:00

This last week has just flown by. I feel like things are getting a bit out of control again. The house is slowing a bit as far as getting things all put in their place and decorated with the new addition of homework. Yes, for the next semester, my life is going to be a whirlwind of chaos. I'm a glutton for punishment.

Work- Things are as busy as ever. We're getting prepared for a move into a new building at the end of the month and I have a lot of things to worry about. Add in the fact that I'm also gone for about an hour in the middle of the day for classes and you have the perfect storm of paperwork on my desk every day. I have to admit, last week was pretty bad for me. I'm hoping with only 3 days in my work week this week, I channel all my stresses into a lovely three days of productivity. Fingers crossed!

School- I have made it through my first full week of classes (which seemed like a month). My online classes are brutal as my teachers are using different formats of online setups making keeping up with each of them horribly confusing. Today I had to send my assignments two different times because I found a whole other syllabus posted on a different area of the site (separate from the original one I found). Both had different instructions for sending assignments. The problem with this is, these online teachers do not know me. They don't know my high standards both for myself and for my education. Their first instinct is to assume that online students are lazy. This is hard to combat for me and I once received a lower grade because of online misunderstandings that could've been fixed had the teacher heeded my questioning. When it came to fighting the grade, I had to go through so many avenues to prove myself that getting a B instead of an A just wasn't worth the hassle.

Home- I'm falling into more of a routine when it comes to the house. I'm still needing to set up a trash removal service. My mom lives less than a mile away and I've dropped off a bag or two the last couple of weeks. However, the road to get there this past week was closed and the detour would've made me late to work. Thus...it's just going to be more convenient if I can just hurry up and arrange that. I've never had a trash removal service I had to set up on my own...I guess I'm a big girl now.

Church- It was our second week of the house church and we had a few more people this week. We've got quite the mix of people involved every week, but that's what makes me love it so much. The Burgers, Brats, and Bible Study theme has worked quite well. Next week we will continue it and celebrate afterwards the start of the NFL season. Let's hope that we can continue to make progress and build relationships with people...and hopefully encourage them in the Word.

General- Fortunately, after this very tough week, I was able to have some peace on Friday. I spent time just walking around the mall and getting acquainted with some new stores that have just opened in the area. I'm now a huge fan of Charming Charlies and Gordman's (two places that were not in Saint Joe before). I was also able to end the day on a great note with some sushi. I tried my first tofu (in a soup) and soybeans (as a stand-alone appetizer). I was really not a fan of either, but I was thankful for the opportunity and the slight encouragement to partake in such an adventurous cuisine. Sometimes we need those pushes from others in order to do something out of the ordinary. I wish I had more of that...so it was refreshing and a great end to a great day. My goal for the next week is to have a similar day again. I need solitude in the midst of such a busy (and stressful) schedule. I think it's healthy to do so...and I plan to do it again. Everyone needs a lazy day!

Well...on that note...I'm going to go finish the last few pages of some class reading and head to bed to face the first day of my work/school week. Wish me luck!

Tonight, I Wanna Cry...

2011-08-31T21:19:00.000-05:00

There are days when you're on top of the world. Other days, like today, not so much.

It was really nothing in particular and everything in general. I've been hurting a lot...so incredibly busy at work...starting school back up. Now, to add to all of that, I'm feeling pretty sick. I laid back on my couch in complete silence and just sobbed. I typically stick to pretty "chipper" topics...but today was a real day for me and this is me in that vulnerable I-don't-feel-good-and-life-isn't-so-fun-right-now sort of moment.

Moments like these you just want to be a kid again. Those times the easiest thing was to just be cuddled and loved on. You become an adult and those moments are typically spent in silence alone. It's when no one understands but God and...somehow...you find your comfort in that.

We'll just say tonight is my low night and I can allow myself one every once in awhile. How about a little mood music?

Go For It...

2011-08-30T22:42:00.000-05:00

A season to wait, it's length is your choice.
I'll just be right here until I hear your voice.
Months turn to years, my hands keep to toil.
You hestitate, afraid the plan you will foil.
I think you should know, you should be swift.
Too much time may go by, and chances could lift.

Peace will find me, if you don't come until late.

You might be distressed, but in your hands is our fate.

The moral of the story is sad but it's true,

If you don't pursue your desires, they may give up on you.

-KJH

Waking Up to Hope...

2011-08-29T22:55:00.000-05:00

While trying to decide how to decorate my bedroom, I had a little dream about this. Hope is a word that I've come to appreciate...and embrace over the last several years. The word gives me both a feeling of nostalgia and an excitement; because it means that the things I most desire are the exact things I expect and anticipate to have. So for me, this was symbolic of a few things...

1.) Everyday waking up to a reminder of where my hope is and all the things I anticipate coming to pass in my life.

2.) The empty frames are symbolic of the hopes that are still unfulfilled. It gives room for the memories I WILL build in the future.

3.) It also reminds me of those things I WILL literally wake up to in the future. Though, I don't see it now, I believe I will.

Sometimes...hope is the only thing I have and what I cling to. Hope is at the center of my heart and in every nook and corner of my mind. I can't think of a better symbol to wake up to in the morning (except for the real thing).

What's Happening in Kariland Part 2: The Big Announcement

2011-08-24T23:06:00.000-05:00

It's amazing the type of feedback I've gotten over the last week or so since announcing my resignation from my position as youth pastor at PFCOG. Some things you should know about this step...

1.) It was in no way negative. I love my pastor and church family very much and my decision to do this did not stem from any kind of negative events. It was merely the close of one chapter of my life and an opening of yet another. I'm thankful for them and for their continued support in this new journey I'm about to embark upon.

2.) This decision was not taken lightly. It came after about a year of prayer and seeking God for answers before I finally realized where I needed to be. It seemed that all the doors started flying open around mid-July and it was then pretty undeniable that big changes were about to occur in my life.

So what's the next step? I know for a fact this all has had you wondering!

With friends and family, I will be starting a house church or "simple church" in my new home. I've come to meet so many wonderful people on the college campus over the last year; many that are looking for a church or just looking for some sort of spiritual guidance in general. After pressing from many friends, it was time for me to give them all a place to call "home." This Sunday will be the launch of this effort. It will start out as a small bible study along with fellowship. The first few weeks will be a time for everyone to get acquainted with one another and the idea of a unique type of church environment. My aim?

This work should be relational. I want to stress the importance of Godly, encouraging relationships with others. Besides fellowship, having healthy relationships creates a system of accountability and strength. Church should be more than just attending a building every Sunday morning, it should be a place with your closest friends; people you can depend on and trust to build you up in faith.

Secondly, this work should be relevant. I want God's word to be able to reach people where they are and what they are dealing with on a daily basis. The bible is more than just a compilation of stories from long ago, it is an instruction manual when it comes to life and can be made to fit even in these modern times. I never subtract from the Word, I merely highlight how we can use it daily to aid us in making the right choices.

Lastly, I want this work to be reaching. Ministry isn't just contained inside four walls. The church should be literally reaching out to the community in any way possible. In fact, the church should be venturing outside of those four walls to bless the hurting and broken. By focusing on discipleship, I truly believe this group will become the hands and feet of Christ to this community.

With that, I am so incredibly excited to begin this new venture. Albeit, a little nervous. I'm so thankful for the group of people working with me to make this successful. I know God has great plans in store for us and if we do anything in His name, our plans will succeed. Keep us in your prayers!

Things Going on in Kariland...

2011-08-23T23:28:00.000-05:00

The last few days have been quite eventful. Let's do a little rundown, shall we?

Last Sunday, I gave the announcement of my resignation from my current church. It was sad. I cried. However, it was actually a very good thing. There will be some changes in my ministry and last Sunday was my leap of faith into that new step. My pastor and my church family were sad...but so incredibly supportive. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to work with the last several years of my life. Needless to say, the day was quite emotional.

Tuesday, I found out I have some weird joint arthritis/tendonitis where for the next two weeks (which means it's been a week today) I have to wear a splint that stabilizes my thumb so that it can mend and the pain can subside. So far, I believe it's working. Though, I've only gone without a splint during my daily shower times, it seems the mobility of that thumb is better. I also learned that I use my left thumb way more than I thought I did.

Wednesday was my last drama rehearsal with the kids. It was bittersweet, but they seemed to be okay with everything.

Thursday, I baked 250 cupcakes for my step sister's wedding reception. My kitchen was about 90 degrees when all was said and done and my feet hurt. Afterwards, we had a nice, big storm that knocked power and cable out all over town. I spent about an hour hunkered down in my basement and came out to find trees laying in places they weren't before and leaves plastered in between the siding of the house. Quite the storm...and I broke in the new basement.

Friday, I iced all 250 cupcakes while watching every DVD I owned because I still didn't have cable and internet was still out from the storm. The cable guy came in the afternoon and hooked up the cable and DVR, but because of the outage, I wasn't able to use it until later that evening (after the reception). I set up the cupcakes and enjoyed some time with family that night.

Saturday, I committed to helping my sister-in-law photograph a wedding. She's quite the photographer, and I'm just good at bossing people around so she asked for my help. It was outdoors and beautiful! I really enjoyed myself till about the last hour or two of the day when everyone was settling in for the reception and there was nothing else for me to do. We then celebrated the day at the Pizza Shoppe and I returned home to several itchy spots on my lower legs. Those itchy spots? About 20 chigger bites that have completely killed me the last couple of days. Luckily, that hydrocortisone cream I had has been helping.

Sunday, I preached my last message as a staff member at PFCOG and enjoyed a wonderful send off luncheon with the congregation. I wasn't quite as emotional this time...I think I cried all my tears the previous week.

A lovely message from my kids at PFCOG.

As you can see, it's been quite the blur. However, I've left out the most important information. But...that may have to wait till tomorrow. Keep stayin' tuned...eventually you're going to get the scoop! :) Patience is a virtue!

Flawed Life

2011-08-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

I find so much beauty in a flawed life...
One marked with poor choices, pain, hurt, strife...
A life with a sincere desire to change their direction.
They struggle...they fail...the stumble along the way.
Yet, they try and, by trying, increase in hope.
God can do so much with the broken and abandoned.

He can inspire healing with those who have been tortured and abused.

And their soul is so lovely...
Their forgiveness so precious...
Their salvation so miraculous.

Yes, I find so much beauty in a flawed life.

And thank God that He does to.

-KH

My Poor Thumb and Love for Old Ovens...

2011-08-17T22:43:00.000-05:00

I am sitting on my couch with a type that is now more "hunt and peck". I now have a splint on my left hand because of joint pain that started at the base of my thumb and turned into feeling more like my thumb was breaking everytime I went to grip something. So...I now have to wear this very annoying...very unflattering splint for the next two weeks to try to avoid a procedure more annoying...and definitely more painful. Unpacking has slowed down a bit the last couple of days. However, I managed another teaser picture. I thought for sure I would miss my yellow retro oven from my old apartment...however, this has just enough retro flare to keep me satisfied. I don't know what is up with my love of old ovens...I find it weird and I can't explain it.

Home Sweet Home...

2011-08-15T22:34:00.000-05:00

The new place is finally starting to feel like home. Only a few more boxes left to unpack (mostly for the office/spare bedroom). Everything is pretty neutral right now. So, even though everything is unpacked, I will still need to add some decorative flare. I'm trying to focus on adding some color right now. The walls are white...my furniture is beige. So, bright colors here and there will make things come together pretty nicely. Here's a little teaser of the awesome curtains I got for my birthday...

I've spent most of the evening continuing the unpacking. So, I'm done for the night. I've spent the last 30 minutes watching Netflix shows and praying for Friday (the day the cable guy will come to hook up my cable). I thought I could get along without it and just opted for internet. However, I soon changed my mind again. It's too quiet in this place...need some noise. More to come!

My New Home...

2011-08-14T00:10:00.000-05:00

So here I am...night 2 in my new home. I must say...the first night included many unusual noises. Altogether, though, I slept fairly well. Thursday night, I was blessed to have friends and family to help me with the move as well as Friday to unload. Though, this week will be full of opening boxes and finding new homes for my things, the best part of the whole move has been decorating with the help of my mom. She doesn't live too far away now and the new "blank canvas" of a home is too irresistible for her to pass up every day. My favorite part of my new neighborhood is that it is in the hub of town and literally right in the midst of our best stores and restaurants. This area was one I dreaded driving to simply because I found more than 15 minutes away from my home daunting.

Leaving the apartment was a little bittersweet. I had seven years of wonderful memories there. My tip to the new tenants? Don't be too noisy and don't try to eat the mushrooms! I came to find that the one thing that made that apartment home to me was my personal touch. As soon as that was gone and the apartment was empty, I wondered what brought me there. Then I remembered...I was young and it was my first place and the best place in town for my budget. My last thing out of the apartment? Frank...my beta.

The hardest part is over. I consider the unpacking portion to be the best, most satisfying. My things look completely different in a different environment and it's like decorating from scratch...only I already own the stuff! Give me some time and I'll start to post pictures here for you to see of the new place. Phase 1 of the life changes are complete (and yes...there are several phases).

I've Always Hated Mushrooms!

2011-08-10T22:06:00.000-05:00

Tonight is my last night in the apartment I've called home for the last seven years. It was my first official place and I have a lot of good memories here. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to miss it just a little bit. Unfortunately, the mushrooms came out to say their farewell. A family of about 4 of them showed up behind my bedroom door. Tomorrow I will load up all my boxes of things and unload them into my new home. Though, I will be staying with my mom tomorrow night considering I don't think I'll have everything ready in time to stay the night in the new place.

I also spent some time with the kids at church and had the bright idea to take advantage of the nice weather and take them out for a game of kickball. I'm a pretty competitive person and the proof showed it...

Yep...slid in to 1st...and was STILL out! After all that action, I'm so ready for bed a little sooner than usual. Hopefully I'll be updating you soon from my new home. Until then...pray saints!

Past, Present, Future...

2011-08-09T22:38:00.000-05:00

The starry night,

Our only light.

Roaring river deep,

Giving up my sleep.

Whispers in my ear,

Holding dear.

Laughs at time that past,

Want it to last.

Strolling under moon,

Dancing coming soon.

Parting ways,

Felt years from days.

Talking nights,

Greatest delights.

Missing, but copes,

Future hopes.

Can You Say Productivity? I Knew You Could!

2011-08-08T22:46:00.000-05:00

Today? WHOOO HOOO!

I was so productive today! The office work...check! Home...check! Every single thing is packed!! It's a little weird to have everything so bare, but there are only a few more days left before the move is officially over! Tomorrow is going to be cleaning day. Wednesday is a church day (so I won't get anything done at home). Thursday is "pack the Uhaul" day and Friday is the day I begin the unpacking process in my brand new home.

Today I contacted all the utility companies to transfer service. When I got to the cable company, I was told I wouldn't be able to have a service appointment until the 18th! So, I would basically have no electronic communication for a week. At first, I embraced the idea and figured I'd be so busy unpacking that I wouldn't notice. It's then I also realized that I enjoy the comfort of the television as background noise especially in a new environment. I gulped...and took it in stride. Later tonight I called the cable company to cancel auto pay because I didn't want to be charged the full amount of the month without my consent knowing that I would be a week without service. When I did, miraculously, there was an opening for the Friday I will be unpacking. I started to wonder if the first customer service rep was really trying to be helpful or being lazy! Good news? I'll have my beloved background noise to get me through the first quiet nights in the new place.

So, things are coming together. Ironically, I haven't napped today and have enough energy to keep me going for a couple of more hours. Where did this sudden boost come from!? I love it!

My Totally Random Day...and Life, Really...

2011-08-06T22:32:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows I'm a random person. I do random things...talk about random things...and random things happen to me. What else do you expect from a billing manager, full-time college student, cupcake artist, writer, and credentialed minister? I love living a random life because, well, it's interesting. I'm always doing something different or thinking something outside of the box. Today is really no exception. Some of the random occurrences just in the last 24 hours...

I went to get my mail and found a jury summons along with some other junk mail. I was not very happy about this summons and made sure to let everyone within ear shot know that this was NOT the time in my life to be receiving a summons to do my civic duty. I mean, I'm right in the middle of my first residential move in 7 years! I came inside the apartment to remove two sides of the summons to open it, when I realized that a man's name (not mine) was on the summons. I dodged THAT bullet!

Then, I began to work on some more packing when I realized that my apartment had leaked once again. Evidently, it rained when I was sleeping. The unfortunate thing about this is, all my boxes were stacked in this particular area. My extra bedding and books are a little damp...and my mountain of boxes had to be moved to another part of the apartment. Ugh.

I then decided to watch a movie. First, though, popcorn was necessary. I grabbed a bag and stuck it in to one of the only kitchen appliances I have left: the microwave. I walked away for a split second to take my contacts out and put my hair up. The microwave had about a minute left, but when I walked back into the kitchen, this is what had become of my popcorn...

Then, I began to watch the movie "Of Gods and Men". The first few minutes of the movie, I thought the sound on my television was broke. I turned it up all the way and I just couldn't understand why I wasn't able to hear anything. It was then I realized the movie was about monks...and I wasn't going to hear much talking.

Such a random day for sure. Entertaining, nonetheless!

The Junk Drawer and Vintage Me...

2011-08-05T21:44:00.000-05:00

So today I tackled packing the kitchen. All that's left is my blender (for my epic smoothies) and a bunch of disposable plates and cups for my next 6 days of meals. In my kitchen was the staple of every home: the junk drawer. I don't think I've touched it for several years, so going through it was quite humorous. For example:

An ancient floppy disk!

Stamps...when they were much cheaper!

A movie store card...when we actually had those (before redbox and netflix).

As you can see, my junk drawer was full of things from the past...and now all of them are unusable. Except for the stamps, of course, if you use a couple! It's so funny how much changes. I also found my original lease agreement in the junk drawer. I moved in to this apartment August 26th, 2004. So, it's been almost 7 years and each of those things in my drawer as gone extinct.

Tonight is scary movie night. I've taken a break from packing, made myself a smoothie, and settled down on the couch for a night of horror. I'm not always in the mood for romantic comedy types! See...I have changed too over the years. Recently, a long time family friend posted a picture of me from way back when...

I'd be the adorable kid in the middle with the plaid jumpsuit. Thanks, Mom, for your keen sense of style.

So much has changed since then. I'm no longer as innocent...or full of wonder. Though, I have my days of reverting back to my seven-year-old self when I find joy in the smallest of things. I think I need to channel that more often. It may motivate me more. In fact, I'm sure it will. From junk drawers to vintage me...I'm learning a lot about life today...it all changes.

Moving and Losing...

2011-08-05T01:52:00.000-05:00

Everything is feeling just a little lighter in my home (soon to be ex-home). After a day of recovering from a night of insomnia followed by a nice little migraine, I was ready to hit it hard today and get some work done. Work in the office was productive. I went through a book shelf of binders of EOB's and paperwork and got rid of everything that had expired. I still have a lot to accomplish when it comes to purging at the office, but I have a month before I will be moving into my new and improved office (more about that to come)!

I was also delighted to find I had dropped some weight already this week. I've been eating fresh foods all week and limited the amount of diet soda I've consumed. I've also been taking a vitamin B-6 supplement to help with my metabolism. I'm hoping it helps me with my energy levels as well. The Lord knows I need it! Who knew that this is the year I would realize I had absolutely no get-up-and-go.

I came home to nap for a bit. I've been so worn out lately that I've napped almost every day as soon as I get home. I peeled myself off the couch and immediately started packing again. I'm making good progress and getting rid of things I forgot I had. It's true...in every aspect of my life, this purging is making me feel a little lighter. I just can't wait to get settled in the new place with my new, minimalist self! I made a list today of things I need to do for the move. However, I'm thinking that if you all will chip in and give me some suggestions about what not to forget, that would be lovely. I'm hoping by tomorrow I have a pretty clear-cut plan of action. Can you give me some ideas? Please, please, please leave me a comment! With a cherry on top?

It's a Hot One...

2011-08-02T23:27:00.000-05:00

So, today has to be the hottest day on record thus far this summer. It was brutal! Luckily, I was inside all day. I feel for those who work out in all of this! I'm hoping the temperatures drop a little bit for moving day next week. With my little passing out spells, I can't imagine that lifting heavy boxes in 100 degree temperatures is a good idea. Plus, I don't want those generous souls donating their time to help with the move to be uncomfortable. God, can I please get a 70-degree, partly-cloudy, breezy day on the 11th and 12th?

The temperature showing on my work computer.

The temperature in my car at around 5 p.m. Also a reminder, that it's time for an oil change. :)

The apartment is slowly getting more and more bare with the exception of my bedroom which I've made home base for all of the boxes. The only down side to this is that the windows are being blocked by the boxes and when the sun comes up, my room stays dark. So, yesterday I slept through all three of my alarms and this morning I barely made it out of bed in time. I'm a pretty heavy sleeper and it takes a combination of my alarms, my phone ringing, and the sun shining in the window to wake me. Time changes are difficult for me as well. Fortunately, I only have 6 more work days before the move. So let's hope I can manage waking myself up.

Yesterday I attended my first Zumba work out class. I must admit, it was so much fun. I didn't feel a bit foolish not knowing the steps because I was either not the only one who was new, or the others are just very rhythmically challenged. In other words, I didn't feel much out of place. I think I will attend twice a week. I was quite entertained by two men that showed up in a group of about 50 women. They seemed to enjoy themselves, though I kept having to position myself farther away because I was afraid they would knock me out at some point. I read somewhere that you burn around 500 calories for every hour of Zumba you do. Not to shabby! Considering I started back up on my diet on Saturday, hopefully this class will help me shed that 15 pounds that I put on an take back off every few months.

I suppose that's all for now. Praying for a storm to blow in tonight and bring us some cooler temperatures tomorrow! Oh...that would be so nice!

A Few of My Favorite Things...and People...

2011-08-01T01:04:00.000-05:00

This weekend was all about family! Even though I had one minor "I'm getting old and it stinks" breakdown, I really enjoyed being with my family this weekend to celebrate my birthday. My favorite moment would have to be dinner at Pizza Shoppe with just my siblings (no parents in sight). We laughed about old moments and daydreamed about future ones (we'd really love to take another family vacation...all of us). That may involve renting a 15 passenger van...but it's doable. Now that the birthday weekend is over, it's time to get serious about packing AND about dieting (that all begins tomorrow). Until then, I'll look back on things and moments this weekend that I loved...

My brother, Alex, showing off his "guns" at the Pizza Shoppe

My card from my brother and sister-in-law. By far, my favorite message.

The clock I've been wanting...

My adorable compact from Grandma and Papa Haywood

Play time with Sami (one of our kids at church).

My jackpot of Starbucks gift cards!

My brothers Max & Ian trying their hand at being sportscasters.

One Art

2011-07-30T19:39:00.000-05:00

On a day like today, an Elizabeth Bishop poem can bring a little peace...

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

-Elizabeth Bishop

Now That I'm Old...Er...

2011-07-29T23:25:00.000-05:00

I'm so blessed to have a birthday weekend full of fun with friends and family. I'm glad to have taken a break from packing to just enjoy the people I love. I'm sure I'll be updating you later on about the whole weekend's events. For now, we'll just say I'm having a great time. I'll leave you with a photo teaser of me embracing my inner Lady Gaga at work yesterday. Yes...I owned it!

Stop This Train...

2011-07-27T22:20:00.000-05:00

The eve before my birthday and I'm feeling very much this way...

The Break Up Box

2011-07-26T23:37:00.000-05:00

As I was cleaning out more closets, I came across a few other reminders of the past. They were boxes from years ago marked with familiar names of men whom I’d crossed paths with romantically at some point in my life. Two dates followed the names scribbled in black marker across the top of the box. The first date marked the birth of something new and exciting; a relationship just blossoming and representative of the many butterflies I felt in the process. The second date marked the end of that relationship and was representative of yet another chapter of my life ending.

I excitedly opened up one box after another pouring through the contents as if they were brand new to who I am now. Each item flashed me back to my existence as a much younger girl; naive to what real love was, but in the process of learning all about it. I smiled at the pictures, notes, cards, dried roses, and movie stubs. It was then I remembered how much it pained me to box up all these memories when the end came. I either tearfully or angrily scribbled their names across the box and closed it for the last time hoping to never again remember the person I felt so much for.

Years later, though, it’s a joy to look back on those places and times when being in love seemed to be so magical. In many ways, it made me believe in that magic again. For that, I’m thankful to have kept these little reminders. Each box shed light on my desires in the person I spend my life with and how I want my love story to be written one day. Hopefully my days of “The Breakup Box” are over and I’ll never again have to scribble a name on a box full of wonderful memories. If hope runs out and I have to, I’ll remember the joy I found in remembering those times later on down the road. Something kept me from destroying those things before, and I think that thing was magic.

I was overjoyed to receive an email recently from someone who was able to really make “The Break Up Box” work and was told an article I’d written about it a while back inspired them. Not only does it give the person a means of storing old memories, but it removes them long enough for some restoration to take place emotionally. When I saw this, I couldn’t help but wish it was around years ago when my “Break Up Box” was nothing more than an old shoebox that took up precious space in my closet. Since I do advocate for breakup boxes, I’ve decided to advocate for this new company. You can check them out on http://www.thebreakupbox.com/. You might not have a need for it now, and hopefully you won’t in the future. However, if hope runs out, this wouldn’t be a bad idea! A special thanks to the creators of “The Break Up Box” for reaching out to me. Best of luck in all your future endeavors!

To Him...

2011-07-26T01:25:00.000-05:00

Going through my things, I've stumbled upon a few jewels I forgot about. This one struck me because it was a "letter to my future husband" from long ago. At first, I chuckled. Then, I smiled. Mostly because, though I was young, I still understood that God had a plan for my life. More importantly, God had a plan for his and I was a part of it. Enjoy the musings of a much younger Kari...

I was praying for you tonight and wanted to share a thought or two for the future. I'm sure you'll have your share of girlfriends. If you're anything like I dream, this would come as no surprise. I'd be lying if I said that the thought of that didn't discourage me just a little. Then, I remember, I'm yours no matter what. See, I know that God created me for you. I can rest in knowing His promises never go forsaken. Do me this one favor, though. During the moments you're with someone else...think of me. Treat her well, but remember me. Tell her she's beautiful and smart and make her feel just an ounce of what I will someday, but remember that I'm the one that's yours. She'll be someone elses'...and remember that too. He will be grateful that you treated her so well, just as you will be thankful in the way others have blessed and added to my life. Cherish the gift of time with her and learn from it so that when you find me, you'll know me. In the event that you forget me, even for a split moment, know that I'm still yours. In your mistakes and your shortfalls, I'll love you past them all. Because, regardless, you are mine. I know that anything God gives me is perfectly just for me. No amount of error could undo His plan and purpose for us. If you will, even so, try hard and remember me...your future.

When you find me, don't waste time in letting me know. Tell me. I may have waited many years and prolonging that could cause confusion. There's no need to play games and waste time. I'll accept you without a gimmick and I'll know you without any tricks or fanfare. I'm anxious to meet you. So anxious, in fact, that sometimes it pains me to wait. I know...He's teaching me patience. I also know that I can't fully step in to my calling without you, though. He has plans for us together. So try not to get involved in things that will distract your attention on the real goal He has set before you. I'm not sure of how He'll reveal it to us, but knowing Him, it'll be a story we'll tell forever. I'm trusting you to be the priest of our future home; and that's in the decisions you make now just as well as it is in the ones we'll make together. So, again, remember me.

I won't ask anything I can't grant you myself. I'll promise you that. I know...I'm yours. I'll live everyday remembering I'm yours. With every encounter I have, I move ahead knowing I'm yours. And if I ever forget, I'll read this to myself to remind me. Really...He made me for you. Now...hurry up and get here, already!

My New Reality...

2011-07-24T01:41:00.000-05:00

So the last couple of days have been a buzz with me getting all of my things packed. Right now, I'm in the process of selling all of my bigger furniture so I can just get new stuff when I move in. I'm also giving lots of little trinkets away that are taking up space in my closet. So, I'm so incredibly excited about starting fresh with less clutter and a different sort of atmosphere at home. I was in need of a change and I always figured that change included moving. In this case, though, I always thought I would be moving out of the state. To be honest, I seriously looked at that option a few times. However, I felt that if God wanted me somewhere in particular, He'd make it a sure thing. Unfortunately, I was never met with a "guarantee" when I looked to moving. So, I'll stay until that happens. It's taken a lot to have patience in this process as a lot of times I thought of just moving on a whim. When I looked at the logic in that, though, and the shakiness of the past and the uncertainty of the future, staying close to my family for now was my only choice. So, I still wait.

This week, we celebrated the July birthdays at work. Mine is this coming Thursday, so I got to sit back and relax during these particular festivities. We had a Hawaiin theme and I got some of the greatest gifts from the girls at work. One of the ladies in our office has always had such a fun spirit and got us some kid toys that I loved (including a balloon animal kit-which I had some fun with that day). I'm working to dig myself out of the pile of work that accumulated the last few weeks, so the birthday celebrations were a welcome break from the daunting task that was ahead of me. While I don't have any known plans for my birthday this coming week, I'm looking forward to at least spending some time with friends and family before school starts back up again.

Sam and I with our birthday gifts.

I also bumped into my advisor, Dr. Bond, while on my shopping expedition this week. I just thought I'd give him a shout out because he was lovely enough to offer some help that day. I've been so pleased with my experience in the Communications Department at Missouri Western. Dr. Bond has been a pretty big part of that. I sincerely appreciate how he gets to know all of us individually. I'm not brown nosing...really. He's really just that cool.

Anyhow...I'm on breakfast duty tomorrow at church and should probably get to sleep. I enjoyed ladies night at Kauffman Stadium for the Royals game this evening (despite the 104 degree temps that kept me hiding out in the air conditioning until the last half of the game). So, with all of that, I'm beat. Keep up, folks...these next few weeks are gonna be a blur!

And the Season of Change Begins...

2011-07-18T23:25:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIMER: This was YESTERDAY'S post, but somehow only got saved as a draft. So...a little out of order.

This past week has been way more than I originally bargained for, but in a good way. I visited the Michigan Church of God Campgrounds where I preached their intermediate camp. The week was fantastic and I had the best amenities of any camp I've ever been the guest speaker in. I shared a house with another couple who were the morning speakers and we just had the best time. So, this is a shout out to Dwayne and Jill!

While I was away, I found out my application for the lease on the place I found was approved. I gave my 30 days notice to my current landlords and will be moving into the new place on August 11th! Words can't express how excited I am about this move. However, once I returned home I realized the weight of packing up everything I've collected in my little apartment for the last seven years of my life. A bit of an undertaking. Any suggestions at how best to go about this?? I bought a ton of boxes...color coded labels...and am trying to pack away the smaller things first. Oh boy...this is gonna be a long month!

The New Place!

My favorite song for the day...so fitting!

Wake on Up From Your Slumber, Baby Open Up Your Eyes...

2011-07-18T23:23:00.000-05:00

This new song by Needtobreathe is so fitting for my first day back to work! I love it!

Days; they force you back under those covers,

lazy mornings; they multiply,

glory's waiting outside your windows.

Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Tongues are violent, personal and focused,

tough to be with your steady mind,

hearts are stronger then to broken.

Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,

crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,

all the while your invitation.

Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Take from vandals all you want now,

please don't trade it in for life,

replaced your feeble with the fable.

Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victim stand in line for,

crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,

all the while your invitation.

Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Sing like we used to,

dance when you want to,

taste for the breakthrough open wide.

All these victims stand in line for,

crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by

all the while your invitation.

Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Come on, sing like we used to,

and dance like you want to.

Come on darlin' open your eyes.

I wanna sing like we used to.

I wanna dance like we want to.

Come on darlin' open up your eyes.

Asleep by Day...Awake by Night...

2011-07-10T01:48:00.000-05:00

It's been a pretty interesting day or so. First, I met a wonderful cardiologist. Will have to check and see if he is single or not since my friend, Sam, has been wanting to marry a rich cardiologist. Anyhow...after making the 45 minute drive to the North Kansas City Hospital, I endured 30 minutes of an echocardiogram. This isn't a painful process. It just puts you in an extremely vulnerable position since you have to be topless in front of a stranger. When I get into situations like these, I also have a habit of cracking jokes to try to put myself at ease. Sometimes it just makes the situation more awkward. Needless to say, I was happy when it was all over.

Then, I moved on to another floor where I met a wonderful nurse who also got to see me topless for an EKG. She cracked a few jokes before I did which put me at ease a bit. Either that, or I was just getting used to being completely naked in front of strangers. I prefer the former, though. She then instructed me to keep the gown on to meet the doctor, which I was not too thrilled about. In he walked, a younger guy with a big smile. Suddenly I was feeling the need to hide behind something. I'm sure my body language probably told the same story. I had to endure about a 30 minute conversation with this very pleasant doctor while now only half naked. We went over my family history (which is none too pleasing medically speaking) and talked about my passing out episode.

Thankfully, my heart was in normal working order, but the doctor informed me I was predisposed to vasovagal reactions. Basically, this is when there is not enough blood flowing to the brain and occurs when sitting or standing. There are several triggers including pain (which I was experiencing at the time), sudden onset of extreme emotions, prolonged sitting or standing, getting up too quickly, stress, etc. When you pass out, this will typically lay you down and the blood flow to the brain can stabilize. If you sit down, though, you are likely to pass out, come to, and then pass out again. So I've been instructed to only lay down when I feel this coming on. Unless this happens more frequently, I shouldn't have to have any further testing or medication. However, if it starts happening a lot, I could be put on beta blockers. I was also told again that because of my family history, I can never take birth control. So, Mom, if I ever get married you may have grandchildren whether I want to give them to you or not. This is something you can certainly thank my Father's side of the family for.

So, now here I am preparing for the next week of my life. I preach in regular church services tomorrow morning and then will fly out to Michigan early Monday morning to preach their youth camp. I should be posting a website soon where you can watch streaming video of the services (and see me in action). I'm so excited to meet new people and minister somewhere. I am looking forward to seeing what God will do in the lives of these kids and am so humbled that I get to be a part of it! Alright...it's way past my bedtime...so I'm out for now!

But not without leaving you a song of the day...and probably the best version of "Single Ladies" ever!

The Non-Wedding Registry:Curbing a Shopping Addiction...

2011-07-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

So it's common knowledge that I've been looking for a nicer place for quite some time. I'm really getting tired of scraping my car every winter morning and I would love a garage. I'm tired of not having enough space to cram the twenty-something family members in my place for our annual Haywood Christmas Eve celebration. I'm tired of not having a quieter environment especially when a family with running children are living above me. So, I've been looking. The other day I looked at a cute duplex with a one car garage, full basement (great for storm season), and in a neighborhood closest to our new Shoppes of the North Village (housing a Starbucks). So, I filled out a rental application and am anxiously awaiting approval. I know that others have put in an application, so I'm really hoping for the best here since this has been the one place that I've found that has met all my qualifications.

After seeing the place, I realized that I don't have nearly enough things for the kind of space it is (not to mention, I've always been missing some essentials). So, I started a wish list on the Target website of things that I would like to get at some point in the future. Tonight, after dinner with my parents, I decided to pop on over to Target and do a bit more shopping for the list. Well, low and behold, they will actually let you use the registry gun for this little adventure which I found to be quite fun. I walked all over the store for hours dreaming up different decorations and things I need for the new place. In the end, I ended up with 80 wish list items. So, you can tell I went a bit hog wild. Though, looking back over it all, it was all practical items and typically for the best price I could find. Consequently, this allso curbed my shopping habit and I walked out with nothing more than a bottle of liquid foundation and Diet 7Up. On the way out the door, however, I was greeted by my boss (all the while still having the registry gun in my hand). I'm hoping he didn't think I'm keeping a pretty big secret from him!

When I got home, I decided to add up the cost of the 80 items that I had added to the list to find they totalled $3,321.69! Might take a while to get all that! Priority first, I guess. Mind you...all this stuff included like a new dining room and bedroom set. So...that was the most costly of the stuff.

Regardless, I've learned two things today...

1.) The wish list is the new non-wedding registry.

2.) Using the registry gun is a sure-fire way to curb any shopping addiction!

And I think you all deserve a song of the day...

It Wanted More...

2011-07-06T22:27:00.000-05:00

We might've walked miles that night.
The sun went down so fast.
The wind embraced my skin so cool.
And you, it wanted more.

We might've talked hours that night.
The time went by so fast.
Your whispers touched my heart, so tenderly.
And you, it wanted more.

We might've said goodbye a million times that night.
Each moment I wished to last.
My heart broke at the last one spoke.
And you, it wanted more.

I crave the sun, and time, and moments...
To capture more of those younger years.
My heart aches for that place again...
And you, it always wanted more.

-KH

Song of the day:

It's My Turn Now...

2011-07-05T18:52:00.000-05:00

I would never have guessed last night that I'd be calling in sick to work this morning. In the wee hours of the morning I woke up feeling pretty sick. The story ends with me passed out in the hallway of my apartment and in such a bad sweat that I actually had to change my clothes afterwards. A bit scary situation. Long story short, I'll be having me a visit with the cardiologist this week to check out my ticker and make sure everything is working properly. This happened several years ago as well, except the passing out didn't fair so well as it was on the hard, tile floor of my bathroom. So instead of a huge bruise on my face, I just have a jacked up back and ankle. I'll take passing out on the carpet over tile any day!

So, now it's my turn to get all doctored. When it rains, it pours! So I'm praying everything checks out and it was just a freak occurrance that happens every now and again when I get sick. I'll tell you what...for a split second I thought I was dying. After the initial death thought subsided I was able to get some rest and slept for a good part of the day today. I can wait for a long while before having to go through that again! I'll keep ya'll posted. For now, I am probably going to be turning into bed early!

Just Breathe...

2011-07-05T00:52:00.000-05:00

Just breathe...

That may have been the best suggestion of my life. Fortunately...I still am.

Remember that Time When...

2011-07-04T02:19:00.000-05:00

It's 2 a.m. and I'm sitting on my couch after folding laundry the last couple of hours. It's a necessary evil after being out of town for a week. Friday I returned home after a week of youth camp and Saturday I used as a means of recuperating. Some of that recoup process meant seeing a movie (about Paris, of course) and sipping the most delicious strawberry smoothie of my life. I'm going to have to get a proper blender and start making them myself! It felt good to just enjoy some time off. However, today was a brutal reminder that it was back to the regular grindstone for a week. Then, I pack up again and head to Michigan where I will be the night speaker for their youth camp. I'm so excited about Michigan, yet so overwhelmed at what I need to get done before I leave town yet again.

Last week, while it might've been exhausting, was the most refreshing example of taking so much joy in old memories. A friend from the past was also working the camp and we were able to steal away for a few hours to talk about life. Melody and I spent a great deal of time together during our summer 11 years ago. We went to 3 youth camps together and attended the General Assembly for our denomination as well as the Camp Meeting for our state. Little did I know, that summer would change my life and my perspective on life. We talked about all those things over the last week. 11 years ago, I wanted so badly to be married. Not only did I want to be married, but I wanted to marry a minister. My sights were set on a specific one until one day at General Assembly when Melody and I volunteered to guard the door of one of the Teen Talent rooms. From that point forward, God proved to me that His will can make an insignificant point in time (for most people) one of the most significant things you will remember. When I shared the rest of my story with Melody about how that moment from our past continued on, she was amazed. She's even more amazed now that I'm so steadfast in my resolve to not be married right now. One day, I may feel confident enough to tell you why that day was so life-changing. For now, though, I have to remain content in my current place and allow God's will to take over. When I know where I'm going, I can fully disclose where I've been.

The week was magical in an emotional sense and I felt so blessed to be able to reconnect with Melody like I did. We had so many points in our conversations where one of us would say, "Remember that time when..." Melody is now married to a wonderful guy and together they both are youth leaders in their church. They have two children who seem to be the very center of their heart. To me, 11 years hasn't changed a whole lot about me. For her, 11 years turned her life upside down. Now, I'm just going to pray that it's my turn for that kind of change. Here's to hope again.

Children are a Heritage of the Lord...and Should be Punished...

2011-06-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

On the eve of church camp, I've been contemplating my plan of action this week. I will be spending an extended amount of time with a room full of giggly girls. It is always good to be prepared for such a venture. My rules?

1.) If you keep me up past midnight, I will give you a 4 a.m. wake up call for clean cabin duty. (Those who fail to heed the wake up call will have their mattress flipped and a bucket of cold water poured over their sleepy little head).

2.) Everyone must shower at least once a day (this is non negotiable).

3.) If you prank me or anyone else, you will earn yourself a week's worth of bathroom duty.

That simple. We'll see how this group takes said rules. I could be their favorite person on the face of the planet or their worst nightmare. They get to decide which I'll be. Let's pray they choose wisely.

My Storm...

2011-06-25T17:56:00.000-05:00

This week was probably one of the hardest I've had to experience. On Monday, I got a phone call from my grandmother (my dad's mom) telling me my grandfather had to take him to the emergency room. This is the second time in two weeks where he has presented with tingling in his head and face, dry mouth, and overall weakness. I sat with him in the waiting room for hours while my grandparents were with my brothers. There were no rooms available because of the busy emergency room that day. So, Dad slept uncomfortably in a wheel chair. It's probably the hardest possible thing to see someone you love suffering from something no one can explain. That sent me into doctor mode making calls to friends and colleagues in the medical field to see if someone can shed light on the issues. Dad's heart rate was 32 when they finally got him into a room, yet the emergency room staff were about to send him home stating that it was his normal heart rate. Well, come to find out, they were only basing it on his last visit to the ER (which was for the same thing). I pressed the ER staff to look in his chart longer back to see that this heart rate wasn't normal at all. When they did, they finally decided to admit him. This little error made it hard for me to trust those people in the coming days.

The next day, I arrived at work early and prepared to get some work accomplished upon hearing Dad would probably need surgery that afternoon. I was met by one of our office NP's telling me that my grandmother (my mom's mom) would need to see an oncologist because of a recent nuclear scan she had done. Grandma Bev had a kidney removed over 20 years ago because of cancer, so my biggest fear was that it was the other kidney. I quickly called my mother to meet us over at the office in order to inform Grandma on the situation and set her up for her oncology appointment. We sat in the examining room of the office I work for (which was quite the change for me) and listened to the practitioner tell Grandma about the cancer mets they had found in the bone in her back. She had also been having severe leg pain and mentioned that, which prompted an xray. We all took the news pretty well with the absence of any real details. However, an hour later, the doctor and nurse practitioner walked in to my office telling me that Grandma would need to be admitted because the xray she'd had after she left the office showed the same mets in her leg and, if any more stress or weight was put on the leg, it could break. I called Mom and told her the news. We would have to transport Grandma to the hospital while also not allowing her to walk on the leg.

A biopsy was done that afternoon and, just the day before yesterday, the doctor confirmed it was cancer and approved radiation treatment be started. The leg was so damaged that the orthopedic doctor could not rebuild it in surgery. So, for the next several weeks, we will hope that the radiation will heal the bone. Until then, Grandma can not walk on it. She will be seeing the oncologist soon since, as of right now, we have no idea what stage of cancer it is or where the bone cancer has metastasized from. We're hoping it came from the previous kidney that had to be removed and not from another organ. So, for now, we wait.

Dad ended up not having surgery and has been sent home pending more tests. They are speculating at this point his "episodes" could be some kind of seizures. But, again, we wait. For now, I'm preparing for youth camp next week. I'm trying to get excited about it all, but the recent developments in my family have made me wish I could stay home. I don't back down on my commitments, however, and plan to continue on with everything I've scheduled this summer. I'm exhausted...emotionally spent...and praying for a miracle on all accounts. At one point, I was shuffling from one hospital room to another (in between Grandma and Dad). Luckily, they were in the same hall, but I know the nurses probably looked on me with pity in seeing my trip after trip down the hall.

When it all comes down to it, nothing is certain and everything can happen in a flash. One moment, life is great. The next, you're sitting in a hospital room waiting for an ounce of hope. I sure hope the storm season is almost over!

Lights Will Guide You Home and Ignite Your Bones...

2011-06-22T23:03:00.000-05:00

Words can't really express what I've been through the last couple of days. Well, not for right now at least. All I can say is I've been listening to this song over and over again since hearing my man, Javier Colon, sing it. I started to believe he sang it just for me this week. In the near future I will explain why. For now, however, I'll leave you with this.