Saturday, March 5, 2016

When You Haven't Had a Baby Yet...

It seemed almost immediately after our wedding almost 2 years ago, people expected us to reproduce. At first, I found it amusing and half expected it.  Now I'm at a point when I'm just trying to understand the "why" behind the questions and jokes.

In all honesty, I'm very excited about the possibility of becoming a mother.  I dream about what our children will be like and how wonderful D will be as a father.  Those dreams will continue until the day I finally become a mom.  Until then...

I have so many other dreams!  I just got married 2 years ago to my best friend and I'm eager to see and experience the world with him.  I know that having a baby right now would put a serious halt to our ability to do those things.  So, while we don't have children, this will be the time I choose to make our dreams priority.  When we have kids, those dreams will take a lot longer to make happen.  We only have this one life and I want to milk as much out of it as humanly possible.  Before my main job in life is keeping other humans alive,  I want to live myself!

Yes, there are some days I think, "Let's just have a baby now!"  On the other hand, I feel extremely empowered by my self-control; by the fact that we're choosing what is best for our children before we ever have them.  We're choosing to have priceless experiences that we will one day get to share with them through memories and gifts (yes...we get our future children souvenirs from our adventures).

No, I don't know how long it will be before we finally decide to take the plunge into parenthood. Much like deciding to marry someone, I think we will both "just know."  We're aware of the "ticking clock" and that "it's never the right time to have kids."  I'm sure when we finally decide to that it won't be after every item on our list is crossed off.  It will be, however, when we feel like we've experienced enough (or when God feels like we've experienced enough).

So what do you do when you're curious about when a couple might have kids?  It's perfectly okay to be curious!  I've found one of the most wonderful ways to satisfy one's curiosity (and I think I'll use it myself in the future)! While recently out for dinner with my parents on our trip home to Missouri, my step-mother asked, "So do you guys think you'll have kids in the future?"  I LOVED that question! Why?  Because it wasn't, "So why haven't you guys had kids yet?  You know you aren't getting any younger!"  I felt like she just knew how to ask the question the right way and I also enjoyed answering it.

What I want people to know?  I want those that haven't had kids yet to know that it's okay!  Whether you're having reproductive issues, choosing to wait or choosing to not have children at all; it's your life and you know how God has led you to live it.  I'd challenge you to be open to the curiosity of others.  I venture to say most who ask don't mean any harm.  You can reveal as much or as little as you want.  That is your choice.  Take solace in that.

To those that are just really itching to know if a couple is going to have children, it's okay to be curious.  Just use wisdom in whom you ask and how you ask.  Understand there may be some people who are really sensitive about it, so knowing who you're asking and how to ask is key to satisfy your curiosity and understand the people in your life a little better.

Along those lines, I also had a really wonderful week back home cuddling babies that weren't my own.  Here is a moment caught by my mom of me holding my cousin's brand new baby boy.  She and her family are really special to me, so I was happy to get to snuggle one of her little blessings. Special thanks to Brit for letting me borrow her baby for a few moments!

What do you think?  What is the best way to ask others about when they'll have kids?  What has your experience been?

1 comment :

  1. I don't think it's appropriate to ask anyone when they are going to have kids UNLESS you are good friends with them. I know a lot of people struggle with infertility, and we tried for a while to get pregnant the first time, so I know that it is awkward and hurtful to have to answer that type of question. We were married 4 years before we had R and I liked it just being the two of us for a while!