My 500th Post: The Life of a Female Minister Part I...

This is my 500th post!  It's been quite the journey thus far.  I also thought you probably deserved something a little more personal in celebration.

That's me in the background officiating a wedding in CA.

As many of you know, I'm a credentialed minister (yep, I can actually marry and bury).  I'm not your typical minister by any stretch of the imagination and, in some instances, don't even like to tell people that I am as it immediately casts this bias on me that really doesn't fit my "mold."  Being a female minister is certainly not for the faint of heart.  There are a few reasons and experiences that lead me to saying this. I'll explain the first one tonight.

I am not married.  This immediately put a damper on my dating life for a few reasons.  First of all, I have standards to be met.  Second of all, so do men.  Most men do not put "would like to marry a chick preacher" on their list of wants when looking for a mate.  So, that was an immediate deal breaker most of the time.  However, there were two main issues present when it came to dating.

A.) I wanted him to be the priest of the home.  Since I'm already a minister, that meant that I wanted him to know more than me...to challenge me...to not be too afraid or intimidated to correct me.  In other words...I wanted someone who was man enough to handle my position in ministry, yet still also love me despite my many shortcomings.  Most of the men I found that fit this I felt were really too good for me.  They knew a lot (which I loved), yet also saw my flaws and suddenly I didn't look so good anymore.  I'm a minister...that doesn't mean I'm perfect.

B.) Most men didn't want a chick preacher.  Even if they were strong in their faith, the position held so much intimidation that most weren't up for the challenge.  Some tried out of simply being fascinated by my position, but many couldn't hang.

These two things made it almost impossible to date and, in addition, made my view of marriage something I feared more than something I appreciated the possibility of.  There has only been one instance in my entire history of life where I said, "I'm sure I'll marry him some day."  That obviously didn't happen...and then I never said it to myself (or anyone else) again.

Out of sheer determination, I didn't quit trying.  In fact, I just tried to date other ministers after that point.  When I did, I came out even more messed up then when I began.  Why?  Well, out of respect for him, I do not say this with any bitterness or spite, but I dated a minister that later shared with me that he was homosexual.  I was with him because I thought dating another minister would work...we both knew the life.  When it didn't work, I began to wonder if it ever would. 

Where am I today?  I don't really know.  I'm hopeful, but I'm hesitant.  I don't think people understand this as much as I'd like them to.  Some days, I don't even think I understand it.  One thing is true, the life of a female minister...it's definitely about devoting your life to God...even your social life.

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are....

So I'm going through a little medical issue (don't worry...I'm not dying...at least I don't think I am).  I've discovered that for the last few days I've felt very heavy emotionally.  Obviously I'm not myself.  My apartment is a disaster and completely not up to my standards.  My school work seems to be in a mound that I will never accomplish because I've spent the last several days of my life sleeping.  What's more concerning to me, however, is that I've felt completely alone.  I've had to depend on other people's help from time to time. However, there are times at which I feel I could drop dead and no one would take notice.  I reach out to get mediocre responses and sometimes feel I'm a nuisance to people who I would call my good friends.  I'm sure this state of mind has something to do with being sick, but it's not fun.  In some cases, the emotional struggle is more concerning than the physical one.

A few weeks ago, I had a friend who was going through something similar.  I got frequent texts which was out of the ordinary and tried my best to reply in an upbeat tone.  It was obvious to me that he was lonely and even more obvious that I didn't understand what he was going through.  I tried hard to be an encouragement, but I often felt that my attempts fell flat because he never seemed to improve in his demeanor or messages.  In certain points in time, I became exhausted in hearing about his pain and yet not being able to offer anything to console him.  I might've dwindled in my responses after awhile unable to offer anything different from what I did the last time we'd spoke.

I can now say I can see his situation in a different light now that I've had to struggle with something similar.  While I try hard not to complain about my situation, I'm sure that my misery comes across quite clear.  People may currently be finding my communication exhausting since they can't offer any kind of consolation for my struggle.  They might also be so far removed from my suffering that my communication is nothing more than an interruption to their otherwise productive day.  It's true, sometimes we really don't know what people are going through unless we walk around awhile in their shoes.  My resolve now is to be more diligent in my attempts to be an encouragement to my friends who are suffering even when I feel I'm unsuccessful.  I would challenge you to do the same because someday in the future you might have to endure the same battle and wish your friends were there to fight the battle with you.  And a word of wisdom when the time comes...sometimes your friend doesn't need you to say anything to fix the problem...sometimes your friend just needs someone to listen and cry with them.  The point isn't to try and understand how they feel or how to fix it, the point is to understand that they are hurting and hurt with them.

God in the NFL: Tim Tebow...

Yep...that's right.  I've decided to talk about a hot topic.  I just watched Tim Tebow make a winning pass to win the game tonight for the Broncos. I saw him take a knee and thank God.

There are two things I've witnessed when it comes to Tebow and people's reactions to him.  First, there are some that applaud him and his faith.  He is unashamed of his deep rooted faith in a God he knows has brought him so much opportunity and favor.  Then, there are those that are disgusted with his displays of Christianity.  They wish him ill and sometimes sound a bit violent at their distaste for him.  I witnessed both tonight.

Does God care about the NFL?  Don't think so.  He really has bigger fish to fry. 

Does God care about Tim Tebow?  Absolutely.  Just like He cares about each of us.

Is God helping Tim Tebow win?  I think so.  I honestly believe that God is showing Tebow favor because of His faith.  In turn, Tebow makes sure he points to where the glory should go.  When we have faith in God, we know that nothing we do is on our own...but that God gifts us with talents and abilities to bring Him glory.  In this instance, it doesn't mean God loves the Broncos more than any other team.  It means that God is using a young man's faith in Him to bring Him glory.  I don't care about the Broncos.  However, I'm rejoicing for Tebow as he goes through this season of divine favor. 

Not only do I believe God is using Tebow to be a witness, but I also believe Tebow's positivity is making an impact on those around him.  His positive outlook is certain to boost the morale of his team and the fans that cheer for them.  This attitude should speak volumes to Christians everywhere.  Our faith brings an air of positivity to those around us.  In many ways, I believe this also makes the team better players.  Are they perfect?  No.  Will they lose?  Eventually.

Instead of being disgusted with a young man's display of faith, we should applaud his positivity and upbeat nature.  We watch players display arrogance and violence all the time.  We sit back and don't really say much.  Then we see a young kid take a knee to thank his Creator and we get all up in arms.  What a double standard. 

Good for you, Tebow.  Just remember to still give God glory when you lose.  The Lord giveth...and the Lord taketh away...blessed be the name of Lord...anyway (yeah...I added that last word).

Practical Tips for Peace of Mind #2: Accept Satisfaction Isn't Probable...

Peace has been the subject of importance to me these days.  Why?  Because I'm not satisfied. 

"Typical woman," you may say.  However, in this life, complete satisfaction isn't possible.  I'm not being negative here...it's just a fact.  Let me explain...


Satisfaction is a level at which you are fulfilled.  You can certainly have temporary satisfaction.  When you're hungry and you eat, you are temporarily satisfied.  That is until the next meal time when you will inevitably and naturally be hungry again.  It is safe to say that no one in this life will ever be 100% satisfied with their life and everything in it.  I'll explain why in a second.

Contentment, on the other hand, is an ease of mind.  It's peace in a time of chaos.  Contentment is possible even when your needs aren't being met.  Using the same hunger scenario, if you stop eating, those hunger pains will continue for about three days.  However, after about the third day, you will no longer receive those signals telling you that you are hungry because your body starts feeding on your fat reserves.  Your body temporarily conditions itself to be content after not being satisfied.  It doesn't make not eating any better (and is certainly not good for your health, realistically speaking).

Now, lets leave the food scenario alone and talk about real life.  There are certain things I'm going through currently that have been teaching me about how to have peace.  Sure, I'm not satisfied.  I was in a state of want.  I also realized my need for peace to continue the journey to hopefully obtain that which I most desire.  Why?  Because sitting around wishing I had something and not is miserable.  However, wishing I had something and using hope as my floatation device, will actually help make the process and journey a little more enjoyable.  I also needed to realize that obtaining this desire wouldn't leave me completely satisfied because, ultimately, we are in a constant state of desire.  One desire is fulfilled and then we realize our desire for something else.

This is why I believe the divorce rate is so high these days!  We desire companionship.  We seek to fulfill that desire by means of a certain feeling.  When people realize after a time of marital bliss that feeling has left, they become dissatisfied again and in a pattern of desire for something better.  It is my goal and aim never to marry because of a feeling.  It is my goal to marry someone that I myself have a deep desire to make happy. I'm not seeking to fill a void in myself, I'm seeking to find an initial connection and try everyday to fill their void (understanding I never really will be able to).  Sure, there are people that have made me feel giddy.  When I meet someone that I would die for, however...well, then I'm done searching.  I'm not looking to satisfy myself, I'm looking to try and satisfy someone else.

We need to learn that satisfaction will only be lasting when we make it to heaven.  Until then, we have to accept that satisfaction isn't probable and, when you obtain it, it is fleeting.  Contentment, on the other hand, is something you have to choose.  Contentment says, "I will wait."  Contentment says, "I've done all that I can do, now I just have faith."  Contentment says, "Keep working until it's time."  Contentment...I am determined to find peace so that my journey on the road to obtain my desires is less agonizing and more enjoyable.  I'm sticking an open hand out in the darkness...waiting for God to fill it with the thing I want the most.  Because I know God, I will have peace...He'll give me the desires of my heart.

Practical Tips for Peace of Mind #1: Did You Turn the Curling Iron Off?

I have a little bit of mild OCD.  I believe certain things need to be kept in certain places and everything has a place.  My OCD is so right on, I can actually tell if someone so much as sat at my desk if I was away.  My chair is not is how I usually position it...which is typically what tips me off first.

Another tick that comes along with this is my fear that I've left the curling iron on when I leave the house.  I have literally had to leave a church service to drive home to make sure I've unplugged it.  I've driven a few blocks from the house in the morning only to drive back to make sure I've unplugged it.  In all my years of dealing with this issue, I don't ever remember one time in which I didn't remember to unplug it.  Yet, the thought bothers me so badly, I have to go back to check.  My dad, who is a behavioral health counselor, says this is a typical OCD trait.  Albeit, I never count toilet paper squares or have to habitually touch a door knob a certain number of times.

My grandfather taught me a little trick a couple of years back that has helped me have peace of mind in remembering if I've turned the curling iron off.  He told me that when he wants to remember where something is, to "explode it."  I didn't get it.  So, he had to show me (this is typical for a Missourian).  Once you place an item where you want to remember it, you explode it.  In other words, you picture it exploding where it's sitting (and in most instances, I even make the sound too).

I thought it was goofy...but it really works.  Why?  Because you are taking an extra few seconds to focus on that item and remember it.  So, in the morning, I explode my curling iron.  Voila...no more having to turn around.  Peace of mind is all in the explosion!

I found a nice little article in Psychology Today about memory and they also use this suggestion to remember where you put things.  You can check out their official article: How to Remember Things

What are your OCD tendencies?